Austin Improv

WHO has declared the swine flu outbreak "a public health emergency of international concern."

Who has?

Yes?

I meant - who has declared the swine flu outbreak a public health emergency?

Correct.

Correct did?

No, WHO did.

That's what I'm asking you... who declared the swine flu outbreak an emergency.

Indeed, sir!

Indeed who did?

That is correct. WHO certainly did declare the emergency.

Why are you asking me? I just want to know who did it!

WHO did what?

Declare the emergency.

That's a job for WHO.

I don't know! I'm asking YOU!

I can't help you. You need WHO.

*sigh* What's the name of the organization?

WHO.

The organization that declares medical emergencies.

WHO.

The organization that gave the warning about the swine flu.

WHO.

*sigh* Okay, when the UN hands out funding to health organizations, who gets the money.

Every dollar of it.

All I'm trying to find out is the name of the health organization

WHO.

The organization that gets...

That's it.

WHO gets the money...

Most of it. Some of it's for AIDS.

Whose aides?

Yes. [Pause] What's wrong with that?

Look, when they print up the health warning, there's a letter head right? What's on that letterhead?

WHO

The organization

WHO

What's on the letterhead?

That's on the letterhead?

Who?

Yes.

All I'm trying to find out is what's the name of the organization.

No, WHAT's the World Hunger Awareness Team.

I'm not asking you who's working with hunger.

WHO's working with health emergencies.

One organization at a time!

Well, don't change the organizations around.

I'm only asking you who's in charge of health.

That's right.

Okay.

All right.

[Pause]

What's the health organization?

WHAT's the hunger organization.

I'm not asking you who's in charge of hunger.

WHO's in charge of health.

Gimme a clue.

ACLU? Well - we're not talking about them.

We're not talking about who?

No, we are talking about WHO.

That's what I'm asking you for. Gimme a clue.

We're not talking about them! That's a national organization.

How did I get to a national organization?

You mentioned their name.

If I mentioned their name, who did I mention?

No, WHO is the health organization.

What's the health organization?

WHAT's the hunger organization.

Gimme a clue.

That's a national organization.

There I go, back to the national organization....

All right, what do you want to know?

What's the national organization?

WHAT's the hunger organization

Who's the hunger organization?

WHO's the health organization?

I don't know! Gimme a clue!

[Together] National.

{pause}

Okay, do you have a Women's organization at the UN?

WHI.

I just thought I'ad ask you.

Well, I just thought I'd tell you.

Then what's the women's organization?

WHAT's the hunger organization.

Who's the hunger organization?

WHO's the health organization.

I don't know. Gimme a clue!

[together] National.

{pause}

Okay, the women's organization.

WHI.

'cause!

CAUSE is Sustainable Energy.

What is sustainable energy?

WHAT is hunger.

Who is hunger?

WHO is health?

I don't know. Gimme a clue!

[together] National!!!

Not sure if this is something I would joke about yet...

bradisntclever wrote:Not sure if this is something I would joke about yet...

Or perhaps we should, while there's still time.

bradisntclever wrote:Not sure if this is something I would joke about yet...

I would joke about the United States media hyping it up to be way more than it is here though. Last I heard (which was last night), there were only eight reported cases of swine flu in the States, and all of those afflicted survived easily with no long-lasting aftereffects. While this could be horrible for some countries who don't have the same level of medical care we do, it doesn't seem to pose any actual threat to Americans.

EDIT: Make that 20 reported cases in the United States.

As the article says,

American investigators said they expected more cases here, but noted that virtually all so far had been mild and urged Americans not to panic.

So, yeah, more cases have popped up, but they've all been mild, treated, and the people are on their way to recovery, if not already recovered.

Thank you Boyko. That was awesome.

http://publicaddress.net/5842#post5842

World War 1 ushered in an unprecedented wave of global mobility. And at its end, millions of people -- soldiers, refugees -- turned and headed for their homes. Some took with them a virulent strain of subtype H1N1 influenza, the same subtype as that causing the present alarm. It swept the world.

In two years "Spanish flu" (so named because it was first widely reported in Spain, which was not under wartime media censorship) killed between 50 million and 100 million people. By comparison, the war had taken 16 million lives in Europe, and, decades later, the AIDS pandemic killed 25 million over 25 years.

One in every five humans contracted the disease -- as many as half of those exposed to the virus. Of those, between two and 20% died (the usual mortality rate from influenza is more like 0.1%) and some populations suffered more grievously than others. Nearly a quarter of the population of Western Samoa died in two weeks.

The most common mechanism of death was a cytokine storm, an response in which the body's immune system goes into a destructive feedback loop. Ironically, people with the most vigorous immune systems were the most likely to die this way. So while the very young and the very old were the most likely to survive, young adults were most likely to die.

So it was no wonder that, in 1976, the US government responded strongly to the news that 19-year-old Pvt. David Lewis had died after contracting, from an unknown source, a variant of the 1918 swine flu virus. About 500 soldiers at the base contracted the flu, continuing a historical congruence between H1N1 and the military.

On expert advice, President Gerald Ford commissioned the development and distribution of a vaccine that was eventually received by about 40 million Americans. Not one more person died of the flu. But, horrifyingly, about one in a thousand people inoculated against it developed an ascending paralysis called Guillain-Barré syndrome. By the time the vaccine was withdrawn at the end of the year, 500 Americans were suffering from the condition and 30 died as a result of receiving the vaccine. And yet, it may still be true that the mass-vaccination decision was not the wrong one.

So that's how high the stakes are. And if 80 people have died in Mexico, the new outbreak is already more serious than that of 1976. That clearly doesn't mean it's 1918 again. For one thing, we now have anti-viral drugs that appear to be effective against the latest strain. The new swine flu also does not appear to spread very rapidly amongst humans. But if you are wondering why the authorities are so excited, well, there's history there.

Honestly, I've been sick with the flu for 27 days now. I got better, certainly, in some ways, but my cough and sore throat hasn't gotten any better and I think I may be even worse.

In other words, there's a chance I might actually have this sucker.

I'm going to call up my doctor, see what's going on.

The medical community has only ogtten updates and precautionary warnings about the current flu going around.

When it gets to where the CDC is sending updates and other helpful "in case of..." plans to the nursing homes then you all need to worry. But like with SARS before this, and the Anthrax scare before that, it's just a bad virus that is creating mass panic. There's stuff to help fight this. And if the infected would actually STAY HOME for once, the virus would pass and this will move into history.

Don't fear Swine Flu. Fear the asshole who knows he/she has it yet goes out into public. That's the one who'll manage to kill you.

It's actually a hybrid of swine and avian flu. Therefore I postulate that pigs can fly.

Or maybe there's a fly in the oinkment.

(Incidentally - I'm flu-shy, don't bother me.)

I'm done.

Brilliant, Boyko.

OK - I'm not done. I've isolated the virus.



(The old link keeps breaking - let's see if this one stays.

Every post I've made on the internet is entirely serious and was never in any way meant to be taken sarcastically.

But seriously guys. This thing can grow out of hand.

Justin D. wrote:

bradisntclever wrote:Not sure if this is something I would joke about yet...

I would joke about the United States media hyping it up to be way more than it is here though.

That totally was NOT my intent, cough cough. I need to give up e-sarcasm apparently.

mpbrockman wrote:It's actually a hybrid of swine and avian flu. Therefore I postulate that pigs can fly.

Or maybe there's a fly in the oinkment.

(Incidentally - I'm flu-shy, don't bother me.)

I'm done.

Brilliant, Boyko.

Well played.

And I'm also very impressed, Boyko. Most clever.

Nothing says to be scared better than 1970s advertising!!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_qJ2tOY7ss[/youtube]