ANYTHING GOES ADVICE

[Rachel]

Hey Everyone,

Would you be my guinea pigs?

I am thinking of starting an advice column. If you have any questions regarding relationships, sex or the like, and you'd like a response - here's your opportunity.

I'll keep this post 'open' till next weekend...

Here's the rules and parameters:

1) Ask anything you want about anything and I will do my best to answer you with honesty, integrity and possibly some wit

2) You can post or PM me here and I will answer questions that are not bits - ok maybe some bits.

3) You can e-mail me directly at rachelmadorsky@yahoo.com and indicate that you would rather not have your name mentioned in the column. Or you can make up a name : ) I will protect your confidentiality.

Or

4) if you don't want ME to know that you are asking the question, you can access ask.rachel@yahoo.com (that's ask (dot) rachel at yahoo (dot) com)
and compose me an e-mail from there. The password is: anythinggoes and the user ID is ask.rachel@yahoo.com

These questions can be anything from how do I get my partner to stop pressuring me to go down on her/him? to how do I get a partner?

My qualifications?
I'm a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Masters Degree and a bunch of years in private practice...also I'm a know-it-all and like to give advice.

THANKS! And HAVE AT IT!

[kbadr]

Wow. That's...unexpected, and awesome.

I'll have to scour my brain for a good question.

[Brian Boyko]

Where can I find an Austin woman who wants to have an intense 3 week relationship, followed by never seeing each other again ever?

[Rachel]

Hi Brian.

Thanks for the Question. Have you read the chronicle lately? I just did, a couple of interesting options – if you can read between the lines.

Try placing your own add. If that doesn't work - venture on line. You might want to narrow your search a bit to include more specifics. Like other things you’d be into for those three weeks. If you haven't already tried this, you’d be surprised. There are lots of people out there looking for lots of things. You used the word "intense". You can start by defining what you mean by “intenseâ€

[sara farr]

Yay! This is neat! I'm thinking up questions RIGHT NOW, while I'm on coffee and my brain is cranking. And I'm going to pass this on to my friends, too!

[Evilpandabear]

i'm going to most definately send you something soon; however, i'm trying to find questions as well...

[deroosisonfire]

rachel are you posting this somewhere else on the internet as an advice column or is it just for us for fun? either way i'm excited and i look forward to reading this!

[Rachel]

Thanks for the positivity everyone!

I will be posting all answers here on this thread for now.

That includes if you sent me a question privately - in this case I will post the question, WITHOUT your real name, and my response.

To those of you who have sent me a question privately - I'll be out of town from today until Monday night - and may not have internet access. If this is the case - please know your questions are totally appreciated and I will answer them in the order they come in - as soon as I return.

Thanks for all your coolnesses!

R.

[Rachel]

QUESTION:

Despite the number of friends or acquaintances I make or have made though out my life, I only feel happy or relaxed when I'm alone. It's incredibly freeing to strip myself from people and disassociate myself completely from all activity. It may be due to the fact that I place a lot of extra responsibility upon myself, and I don't get away often enough. Or that my extracurricular activities have such an incredible sense of family that even when I'm relaxing with friends I still feel loaded with responsibilities. I'm never able to fully break free. I tend to think that I used to be a people person, and some how my mind has changed its wiring and people annoy me now; however I'm still performing as a social best out of habit. Do I make sense? Am I loosing my mind? Do I just need a vacation?

Sincerely,
Septimus Hodge

ANSWER:

Dear Spetimus,

Thanks for the question!

My short answer is Yes. You need a vacation. : )

Your question sounds confusing only in that you seem to be thinking more than feeling.

If people are annoying you - take a break from those people. If there is something SPECIFIC that's annoying you about people, then that's a different story. It sounds like yours is the former (the first part)...but just in case: if there's something specific annoying you - consider that a gift. It's a clue to look more closely and honestly at whatever it is you’re judging and see how you're judging something similar about yourself. And then either stop judging yourself or stop doing the thing you're judging.

For example; if you're getting annoyed at how annoying it is when people interrupt you when you're talking. Ask yourself - "Self? Do I ever interrupt people?" If the answer is yes - even if it's only sometimes - practice being more patient and really listening to people when they're talking, rather then preparing your response while you wait to make your next point.

If you’re annoyed in general - Yes take a break. That will be a temporary solution (as you've already experienced).

Here's the part of your question that made the most sense to me: Despite the number of friends or acquaintances I make or have made though out my life, I only feel happy or relaxed when I'm alone. My answer to this is - Ironically, you're not alone. Lots of people feel this way for one reason or another at different points in their lives.

Try this: start being more real. It's healthy to get away from everyone and everything sometimes, to be alone with yourself and just BE. It's also healthy to have that same relaxed sense of 'just BEing' in whatever you do and with whomever you're with.

So....bla bla bla my advice is Relax, stop trying to DO something, BE something, or CHANGE something when you're with others and start practicing just BEing. You might start feeling more relaxed and less annoyed. (as a side benefit - you may find that others feel more relaxed and less annoyed with you too)

Hope that helps
: )
Rachel

[acrouch]

Now begins the game of figuring out who the anonymous advice seekers are. This person is clearly a reader of Harry Potter, but not any of the youngens (Phil or Kaci). They misspelled "losing" the same way Wes did recently in a post, so that's an avenue of investigation, but they also misspelled "beast" which is just sloppy and unlike Wes.

I'll run it through a verbal analysis in comparison to everyone's past posts and report back.

: )

[kbadr]

Let's see.

Too many responsibilities
In need of a vacation
Extracurriculars include a strong sense of family

This was clearly written by the AIC collective subconscious.

[Evilpandabear]

Hey Andy, how is Anonymous a reader of Harry Potter? Is it the Harry Potter angst vibe?

[acrouch]

Whoops. I thought I recognized the moniker "Septimus Hodge" from Harry Potter when it's actually from Tom Stoppard's Arcadia. Easy mistake.

[phlounderphil]

I caught the Septimus Hodge reference and immediately knew it wasn't Harry Potter, don't be dissin on the youngins Andy.

You know, this person (anonymous) is already feeling something (to have written this question), that something being a bit of awkwardness about their need to be social versus their need to be alone. So I think it's a great idea if we all try to figure out who this person is and then harass them for not wanting to be with us ALL OF THE TIME.

Come on? How are we like a responsibility, we just have to know who you are. Hell, I'm guilty, as soon as I read this I started wondering who this person might be, then I actually read what they had to say and realized that it was obviously Andy Crouch.

Sorry we're such a hassle Andy. Nice try on the bluff there, we all know it's you. ;)

[Evilpandabear]

My God, you're totally right Phil. I'm his roommate and I never see him either. You should hang out with us Andy.