Dating outside of improv

[valetoile]

I've noticed that when improvisers are dating or married, their significant other tends to either be an improviser as well, or is almost completely uninvolved in the improv scene. With notable exceptions, of course.

If you're in a relationship with a non-improviser, how do you balance your time? I went to every single Ed32 rehearsal (sometimes up to 3 a week) until I got my first boyfriend. Then I became a major slacker.

Now i feel more invested in improv than ever, and it would feel strange to me to date someone who wasn't involved in such a big part of my life, and wasn't friends with all my friends. But it wouldn't seem right for them to be some sort of improv groupie, unless I could be a comparable groupie for their interests.

I'd also like to hear some perspectives on the joys and tribulations of dating improvisers.

[Evilpandabear]

from conversing with girl friends and boy friends and ex's of improvisers, i have gathered that dating an improviser is like dating a lame rock star. most significant others feel pressure to go to all the shows, which can put a strain on the relationship. then the improviser feels guilty when he/she goes out drinking after a show instead of returning home. in ways, it reminds me of when i was an RA for a dorm and i saw all these highschool couples together at UT. after a while, i could instantly tell which relationships would last the change and which ones wouldn't. i can see it in an improviser's girlfriend as well. there's a look in her eye. this ma sound hokey and retarded, but it's the dead honest truth.

[erikamay]

i have dated both improvisers and non-improvisers.

personally, i had a hard time being as involved in improv when i was dating a non-improviser. After we broke up, my involvement was much higher (which is a good thing), which may have just coincided with the progression of my interest in improv. dunno.

on the flip side, i am a big fan of dating (and marrying!) improvisers, although i dont think its necessary.

in my experience, when bob and i were on different teams, it was a little bit of schedule mess to coordinate seeing each other's shows. so that was a pain and ate into what little time we actually had free for ourselves and each other.

however, i think the bits, the ability to laugh at each other's goofiness and push one another to hone our individual skills is awesome. sometimes, we just improvise stuff based on things we see and see how far we can heighten something.

the cons of being married to an improviser is that its like being married to an addict. if you want to stop (or cut back) on doing improv, you both have to extract yourselves for it to make a difference. otherwise, you might as well be doing improv.

[smerlin]

Overall, I think most people would agree there are other factors that are much more important in a relationship besides whether they are an improviser or not. But all things being equal, I like dating outside the improv world. Ofcourse, whoever I partner with is going to have to be playful and get my sense of humor, and appreciate my art, but they don't have to be an improviser to do all of those things. (aka my man)

For me, I get enough improv in the week. I don't need any more at home. I like getting away from it.

What I prefer when I have a serious hobby/artistic job like improv is that you have a partner that has their own life too, so they don't have to come to all the shows and have thier own things to go do. So there's not artistic jealousy.

I also am against working full time. Part time work is good for healthy relationships and lifestyles in general.

[vine311]

I recently got out of a relationship with a non-improviser. For her, it was a little awkward at times to be around all of these new people that I had been bonding with. I think she felt kind of left out at times. I felt pressure to spend equal amounts of time with her and with all of the new people I was meeting and it was a big strain on me. Eventually it lead to kind of a double life where we didn't really socialize that much with each other's friends. I can't really blame improv for the demise of our relationship (we had our problems long before I started doing this) but it did help speed up the break-up process.

On the flip side, I have concerns about dating within the community as well. What happens if you have a messy breakup? Will you still be able to play with that person? What if others "choose sides" and one or both of you become outcasts for whatever reason? I really like this community and I love doing improv so I don't want to jeopardize that. On the other hand, there are a few attractive, interesting, single women in the community and it would be unwise to limit my options just yet. As far as dilemmas go, this is a pretty good one to have I suppose.

[erikamay]

fortunately(!) i've never had to deal with an improviser break up.

however, i have seen a whole lot, and they tend to fall in these categories:

1. someone is a scuzzball, causing the break-up. result: tense to be around for everyone.
2. mutual decision, causing the break-up. result: ginger at first, but all together OK after a while.
3. not a mutual decision, but dealt with on the up and up by perpetrator of break-up. result: hard for everyone, lots of eggshells, but OK after a while.

so, jason. as long as everyone acts like adults with integrity it will be cool no matter what happens.

i personally wouldnt choose sides. unless someone acted like a scuzzball.

[sara farr]

I also am against working full time.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Yes, me too. Full-time work is for suckers! Feed the creative beast, comrades!

[vine311]

so, jason. as long as everyone acts like adults with integrity it will be cool no matter what happens.

i personally wouldnt choose sides. unless someone acted like a scuzzball.

Note to self...learn to act like adult...not scuzzball

[kbadr]

On the flip side, I have concerns about dating within the community as well. What happens if you have a messy breakup? Will you still be able to play with that person? What if others "choose sides" and one or both of you become outcasts for whatever reason? I really like this community and I love doing improv so I don't want to jeopardize that.

This is pretty much my main concern with dating an improvisor.

But, on the other hand, I know that me acting like a scumbag wouldn't be what causes a relationship to end, so the breakup couldn't be *that* bad. And I also know that I can deal with whatever life throws at me. And life's just too short to let "what if's" get in the way...

[vine311]

But, on the other hand, I know I wouldn't be a scumbag to cause a relationship to end, so the breakup couldn't be *that* bad. And I also know that I can deal with whatever life throws at me. And life's just too short...

Amen brother.

[Wesley]

i personally wouldnt choose sides. unless someone acted like a scuzzball.

I've already taken sides with every improv relationship in town, they just don't know which one I'm on. I have it all laid out in a sortable spreadsheet at home. I don't know about you guys, but I'm ready for any break-up in the community.

[Brian Boyko]

I've noticed that when improvisers are dating or married, their significant other tends to either be an improviser as well, or is almost completely uninvolved in the improv scene. With notable exceptions, of course.

If you're in a relationship with a non-improviser, how do you balance your time? I went to every single Ed32 rehearsal (sometimes up to 3 a week) until I got my first boyfriend. Then I became a major slacker.

Now i feel more invested in improv than ever, and it would feel strange to me to date someone who wasn't involved in such a big part of my life, and wasn't friends with all my friends. But it wouldn't seem right for them to be some sort of improv groupie, unless I could be a comparable groupie for their interests.

I'd also like to hear some perspectives on the joys and tribulations of dating improvisers.

1) If you spend significant amount of time with people, you're more likely to consider a relationship with them. We all spend a hell of alot of time playing, rehearsing, or just hanging out. Similar relationships develop at the Daily Texan. Hell, I met Larina (my ex) because I was spending time in her gaming group.

2) Improv performers are by definition funny. Funny is a quality which most people find attractive.

3) There is nothing -wrong- with dating outside of Improv just as there's nothing -wrong- with dating outside of work. All my dates have been with people outside of Improv.

4) Val, dude, I'm like... right here. I wouldn't be so open about it except that now I'm moving away in a month and relationships could never happen anyway -- but you -were- picking up on the fact that I was reading Harpers because I like, totally thought you were cool and stuff, right? Totally not being funny here either. And yes, it wasn't like - an exclusive crush, and there are other women in Improv that I thought looked pretty and would have dated if I had the chance - but yeah, I was digging ya'. And yes, there was that one time I hit on you at Opals and like, got totally rejected via PM the day after but -- that shouldn't count because I was just hitting on you as a person who was there and I wasn't hitting on you as Valerie, the cool person who I realised was really cool later -- and like... stuff.

Anyway I can say this all because there's no chance of anything happening now that I'm moving away. So Nyah!

5) What was the question again?

[HerrHerr]

There are too many beautiful and talented improv women to not date within this community.

In three years of improv I have seen a lot of improv dating/relationships and not one has impacted the community at large in any kind of substantial way.

Professionalism. We do consider ourselves professionals, correct? As long as people are cool and, like Erika says, act like adults...all is good. Just try not to shake out the relationship rug in front of your fellow improvisers and all is good.

But, no, I will not talk about my past improv relationships on the forum...not while that one bitch is still on the forum. I swear I would egg her house every night if I had the time.

[Wesley]

The healthiest thing to do is not to date anyone at all, but to develop puppy-love crushes on numerous women who don't even know you exist. It works for me.

[Brian Boyko]

The healthiest thing to do is not to date anyone at all, but to develop puppy-love crushes on numerous women who don't even know you exist. It works for me.

Speak for yourself.