Austin Improv

Start posting them here now.

valetoile wrote:Start posting them here now.

God, there were some gems from last night's Wafflefest show.

"He stops criminals before they get a chance to commit the crimes" -- Mike Kinald describing what's wrong with Eric Heiberg's superhero, Captain Coathanger.

"Legsss. Legggggssss." You, Me, and Greg said as if they were zombies going after legs instead of brains. An awesomely organic and surreal transition. They had a ton of great lines throughout their show. I love You, Me, and Greg.

Heiberg tries to out-evil Jason Vines by mixing up a vial of poison and a vial of rum. They're supposed to drink them to decide. Kinald calls out that they should probably take off the labels first. The awesome, instantaneous move for best line by Vines? He drinks the vial of rum.

"Eat the shrimp cocktail," whispered menacingly by Dave Buckman to Asaf.

The "focus of attention" line directed to Asaf in You're Not My Real Dad's show cracked me up, but I can't remember it verbatim.

There were a lot of other great lines from other people throughout the night. In other words, it was a good first night of Wafflefest.

"I feel like I want to cry but my tear ducts haven't formed yet"
- Eric H. at Improv for Evil's Wafflefest show playing an aborted fetus that lived.

Mike wrote:"I feel like I want to cry but my tear ducts haven't formed yet"
- Eric H. at Improv for Evil's Wafflefest show playing an aborted fetus that lived.

Yes! That line killed me.

"There's so much to perfection, you don't even know."
-Kristin Firth, Firth & Arjet, Threefer Madness 11/28

It was one of those deep yet funny lines.

"Does Bonky sound like a girl's name?"
-Kaci Beeler, PGraph Show, 12/4/2008

That was Kaci's response when the circus manager confused the names of Binky and Bonky, the 2 juilliard trained clowns about to perform.

"You smell like cupcakes and fear."
- Mike Kinald as Cochise, 12/13/08

'John Cochise. In the living room. With the BADGE!'

-- Mike Kinald as Cochise, 12/13/08

"My wife is pregnant and needs your seat."
"Look, I make $100,000 a week."
"She makes babies!"
"Do you know how many babies I could buy for $100,000?"
"One."
"White babies, yeah."

-- Arthur and Jastroch

Arthur walked right into my trap.

Clay Crenshaw had a doozy a few weeks ago in the CageMatch championships.
I wrote it down specifically for this thread, and then promptly lost the piece of paper.

anyone remember?

please?

"I am assuming that because you are a slave clown, and you don't like racism, I can deduce that you raped and sodomized my granddaughter"

- Eric Heiburg , snackers at Monday Night Mash 12/15/08

"When I look in his eyes, sometimes I don't fear terrorism."
-Erin Molson, Office Party 12/27

"I made a star out of my diploma...since I wasn't using it for anything else."
-Justin Davis, decorating the tree in Office Party 12/27

"Hey, save that Obama shit for the bedroom." -- Jared Stepp, Wicked City Graduation Show to Emma, who was pleading for him to be a more dutiful husband.

"He's the same lawyer who represented Darth Vader." -- David Hess (same show) to someone needing some legal advice.

Saturday, Jan 3rd, 2009

In the first After School Improv show about fitting in, Kaci in the protagonist character has two dads and is getting teased at school so she decides to run away. Audrey Sansom playing a cop who had just pulled over Kaci's vehicle, challenges the character:

"Does your mother know where you are?"