What we know about Cornelius

[shando]

I don't know if this is the best place to put this, but I have compiled a timeline of all the Spices stories thus far. It's been really fun doing an improv project like this that spools out over several installments and in random order. I keep finding out new things about him. For instance, when young, he must have been quite handsome, as twice he's dealt with homoerotic overtures from older men. Or maybe that's the nature of cheap jokes thought up on the fly. Anyway, here's what we know. Let me know if I missed anything. And I hope you can come see the next two installments on Thursdays in February.


1600--Born in Rotterdam

1615--Escapes an oppressive apprenticeship to a Rotterdam silkmaker and heads to see. While sailing to Africa, accidentally kills Gerritt, a fellow sailor whose has made untoward advances to him, by hiding under a sail. Gerritt mistakes this for a ghost a hurls himself into the sea.

1620--While sailing in the Mediterranean is captured by the Turks and taken in slavery to Istanbul. Sold to Turkish merchant and eventually wins freedom on a bet while playing an early version of 3 card Monte. Becomes bookkeeper to a Jewish merchant, whose brother is a rabbi. Falls in love with rabbi's daughter, Rebecca. First love. The plague breaks out in Istanbul. In an attempt to flee the infected city by swimming the Bosporus, is separated from Rebecca. Doesn't know if she survives. Makes his way across Muslim-held Europe to Vienna.

1621--In Vienna is taken in as personal secretary by lecherous archbishop. Archbishop uses office for material gain and owns many precious objects, including the Blue Diamond, purportedly a gem formed from coagulated blood inside the heart of the King of the Elephants. Steals gem and flees to the Austrian woods. The Blue Diamond reveals future events. Buries gem out of fear under a tree. Is subsequently captured by brigands, whom he joins.


1639--Is serving as privateer for the United Provinces against the Spanish. Has letters of privateering commission drying in the crows nest when captured by the English off the coast of Madagascar. As privateering letters are inaccessible, is unable to prove he is not a common pirate. Makes escape with rest of the crew while a young sailor, Rembrandt, serves as a diversion. While escaping, encounters third sea serpent. A shot from a flintlock dislodges a valuable emerald from serpent's skin. Ship is destroyed and crew steals English vessel and escapes.


1657--Returning from Dutch East Indies with load of peppercorns for the Dutch East India Company. Is shipwrecked off South African coast and is separated from rest of crew. Is captured by Zulus, who mistake him for a prophet. Religious ceremony dictates his leg should be severed. While fleeing, is wounded in the leg, which becomes gangrenous. Is saved by Pygmies, who amputate leg and administer blood transfusion. Leg grows back, but African.

[kbadr]

Awesome.

I enjoy the shit out of this show. Everytime, it starts out nice and slow. It's not hilarious laugh-out-loud funny to start, but I'm totally engaged. Then Shannon does a marvelous job of pulling back elements that he gave himself early on. The subtle, yet perfect, reincorporation and the wonderful turns-of-phrases that Shannon uses make this show amazing to watch.

The best way to describe it is that it really does feel like I'm listening to a really interesting old man whose patterns of speech and way of telling a story are just funny to listen to. I want to buy Cornelius a drink.

[shando]

I want to buy Cornelius a drink.

Thanks for all of that, Kareem. This show's been really fun to do. And you certainly may buy him one one of of these nights.