Austin Improv

so, when i was in 1st grade someone called me Jereminy Cricket and that just really pissed me off.

but the most common stupid joke about my name used to be, "oh, your name's jeremy? did you speak in class today?" i got that a lot in high school when jeremy by pearl jam was the greatest song ever. i used to say, "yeah and then i killed myself in front of everyone."

and when people use jeremy as a name in improv, it really sounds weird to me.

I got called Adolf alot. Pretty shitty for kids to call a little Jewish girl Hitler.
I got alot of other things too.

By fourth grade I was done. I wanted to change my name to Stephanie (a nice normal sounding name). My dad and I talked about it. He said "if you're going to change your name, you should go all out!" He helped me with my new name: D'nai (pronounced Dannae, a not normal sounding name). Then I was called Dannaden, and the worst...Grenaden.

I changed my name back before sixth grade started.

Julie didn't garner too many nicknames, other than Julie Boolie or Jules. But my maiden name, Gillis got...."Gillis....do you have gills???? Are you a fish?" Which I thought was too stupid to be insulting, or "hey are you related to Dobie" and most of the people saying that didn't think I'd get the reference. But I would always be like....dude, I've got cable.

Monique
the geek
with the big fat beak
Monique
the freak
with the big fat beak

The name Monique + Armenian nose + nonconformist spirit=bad, predictable taunting.

There's a Jeremy in my novel, and he did kill himself. But before the Pearl Jam song came out.

Jastroch = Jockstrap.

That lasted for about five days in the fourth grade. I responded by pretnding I didn't get the joke. That strategy served me well through my public schooling. Anytime anyone made fun of me, I gave them a blnk stare and said, "What?" Then they had to explain it, and I still pretended I didn't understand. I can keep that schtick going for minutes and minutes.

standardized test day was devastating for me when i was little (1st or 2nd grade)...the tests had our names on them already, last name first. that meant i was "young, andrea". why this was the subject of so much torment, i don't know. but oh how i longed to be "old, andrea".

Sara Farr... Sara Lee! Who doesn't like you? Are you related to Jamie Farr? Do you live far away?... nothing really bothersome. Stuff that tended to make me smile/laugh bc the taunter sounds stupid asking those questions. Plus I was always tall and tended to tower over the wanna-be taunter. Which was even funnier to me.

I was also nick-named "Sassy" by my parents when I was a kid and went by that until I was in Jr HS. My parents thought "Sara" was too formal and one of their best friends was named "Sassy" (real name Sara). Do any of you remember Sassy (Sarah) Vaughn? Well it used to be a pretty common nickname for Sarahs. You think that would be fodder, but kids tended to leave it alone. If they called out to me "Sassy, you're sassy!" I would generally answer, "That's right!"

Anyway, the funniest story tied to my name was when my sister was approached by a very slow (mentally handicapped) boy who was on our swim team asking know where her triplet sisters were, Sara & Sassy. Poor guy. I guess I do look a lot like my old "Sassy" self, but my sister & I have never been thought to look alike. We do, however, sound exactly alike. And now I know Kaci B who is a triplet. So I guess I can see his point.

Anything involving the word "cream"
Oh how I laughed.

Kareem Abdul Jabaar.

Oh how I laughed.


None of the names made any sense at all, but they were somehow supposed to insult me.

Kids weren't clever enough when I was growing up to think of anything insulting with the names "Kaci" and "Beeler".

But in middle school I was teased often enough for several things, including my appearance and personal habits.
"I heard you have the same bra size as your twin brother, is that true?" I'll never forget being asked that by some random little dipshit I didn't even know.
"Kaci doesn't wear a bra yet, let's tell everyone and corner her in the locker room during PE!"
"Kaci is wearing shoes similar to mine, lets get a group together to taunt her before class!"
"Lets make fun of Kaci's clothes during lunch!"
"Lets invite Kaci over to a slumber party and then pour water on her in the middle of the night so she'll wake up and think she wet herself!"
"Lets pretend to be Kaci's friend so we can get to know her brother."
"After Kaci does her monologue in theatre, lets all give her negative feedback!"
FUCK THOSE STUPID FUCKING BITCHES! I used to be a lot less cynical and a have a lot more self esteem before I went through those three years of hell.

I would have preferred something like "Kaci Beeler the Potato Peeler" to any of that personal shit.

Oh, and there's this whole "Beeler"/"Bueller" thing, from Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Apprently it's a popular enough thing for a facebook group based on the mix-up. There are 100+ college kids with the last name Beeler who have all had a similar experience as myself and my brothers for having the last name similar to the kid in that famous movie. It's also Ben Stein's fault.

"Majcher" is pronounced very similarly to "major". Major Majcher. Ho ho ho. That never got old. Ever.

kaci_beeler wrote:"I heard you have the same bra size as your twin brother, is that true?"

You have a twin brother?

I have a fraternal twin brother.

...i've was always the one to give the names, and was not often challenged to an insult match. I hated the drummer of my second band because he was better at insults than me...we're friends now though.

i hated when people called me

cody balogna
cody bodie
toadie
chase (my brother's name)

kid: "hey, king arthur!"
me: "boo hoo hoo, hey daddy boo hoo hoo"
dad: "you're upset about that? you're an insecure idiot."

cut to

kid: "hey arthur, written any books??"
me: "boo hoo hoo, hey daddy boo hoo hoo"
dad: "your mother has ruined you."

cut to

kid: "hey arthur, good show the other night"
me: "boo hoo hoo"
dad: "you're almost thirty, you need to get a real job."

Middle School SUCKED ASS. I hated those fucking bitches too. Middle school was nothing but feeling like a sad parsnip floating in a pot of fear soup.

kaci_beeler wrote:
FUCK THOSE STUPID FUCKING BITCHES! I used to be a lot less cynical and a have a lot more self esteem before I went through those three years of hell.

"Girlko."

Ain't nothing worse than "Girlko."

(Second place: Boycott.)

No horrible childhood nicknames, just a lot of seal imitations. Complete with kids doing flipper mimicry while barking my name multiple times.