Austin Improv

Suzan Messing always said some stuff about an improvisors life time... like how good they think they are...
I can't remember exactly... something like:
I suck. IM GREAT! I suck! I'm getting better, i'm getting better, better, I suck, I've leveled off at mediocrity.

I was feeling really good, but now I'm going through a thing where I feel both sucky and getting better at the same time. Like some weird bipolar phase. Anyway, where are you in your curve? Are you great?
Do you suck? Gross.

I am terrible. No bullshit. I have absolutely no fucking clue what I'm doing on stage anymore. Started 2 or 3 months ago and has been in a steady spiral ever since.

I try not to think about it.

I'm in an "I'm getting better at playing with my troupe" phase right now. We're starting to gel more and more. I try to brush off the "I suck" feelings whenever they happen. I used to dwell on them and they did me no good.

Last week I was at "I suck" and going "What the fuck am I doing improv for? I love dancing, I should be spending more time dancing then doing improv."

Last night at rehearsal: "Wow. I am getting better. That was a great scene. My troupe is getting better."

But yeah, it definitely cycles through:
I suck -> I fucking don't care anymore -> do scenes outside of my head because I couldn't give a shit ->
Which makes the scenes good -> Hey, I'm good -> be overly pressured to do good scenes -> which makes me suck again

I am solidly mediocre. I go through the same suck/rule cycle as anyone else, but I'm pretty sure my baseline ability is down there, slowly creeping upward as I put in the work/play.

majcher wrote:baseline ability

OOooooo. I like that. That's a nice way to look at it. Even if I have a bad show I can at least take confidence in the fact that my baseline is tons higher than it was 7 years ago. NICE.

My baseline is decent and I'm getting better at taking risks, rapping and the like. I dance well and am pretty aware of stage picture. Not as good as I'd like with driving a story.

Currently in a rut -- which sucks -- but it also historically indicates that I'm about to hit a new level... can't wait for that.

I think I play better with GGG than with others.
I think I've grown and improved a lot over the last four years.
I won't ever be one of those players who blows balls off and gets tons of worship and admiration.
But I don't think I suck, either.

I use that Susan Messing quote when I teach or coach. It has helped me avoid in the past.

Right now I'm at level "meh."

Definite roller coaster. Perhaps one where the overall track level is constantly rising despite the crazy climbs and falls and occasional spins in upside down circles.

My roller coaster car just jumped from one ride to another at a different park and I'm not sure where I am.

I am, and always will be, an improv student.

In fact, last night on the way home from the LB rehearsal, I was wishing that I could one day attain an out of body improv experience where, like Hammy (the squirrel in "Over the Hedge" that gets hopped up on caffine) my improv instincts will be so connected with my troupe and my environment that I will be able to look around the scene and know exactly what is going on and what should happen next so I can act on it.

But right now I recognize that I'm still working on my basic improv skill-set and I'm pretty much clueless.

The only accomplishment I've made in the past 2 years that I feel really proud of is the fact that I seem to have lost my fear of being on stage.

I feel like I'm so far behind where I should be. That I have this toolbelt of skills and that some of the tools are always missing...not that I don't have the tools, but they go hiding. Like one day I may have the hammer and the monkey wrench and the Phillips, but that the needlenose pliers and measuring tape have been set somewhere in the garage and are missing for the moment. Then the next go-round I have the measuring tape and the needlenose pliers, but the others are missing.

Bob McNichol, can I borrow your welding torch?

Well Chris, at least you can find your apposable thumbs most of the time.