Best Show Lines 2014

[happywaffle]

"Are you going to tell us a riddle or something?"
"Yes. What is white, and goes up and down?"
"The population of Plano, Texas."

--Ratliff, TIT Five Families Show, Jan. 3rd

"Slow down!"
"Nothing good ever came from slowing down! …Except turtles."

--Sam Schak, I Love You So Much, Jan. 10th

[Brad Hawkins]

"I never thought I'd say this, but... Volume, Jordan!"
- Kareem Badr, Kenjutsu rehearsal, 1/22/14

[Munga]

Flying Theater Machine, Monster Families, January 2014.

Mitchell: "What university did you go to?"
Jessica: "Monster U"
Megan: "Go Horns!"

[Rev. Jordan T. Maxwell]

"I never thought I'd say this, but... Volume, Jordan!"
- Kareem Badr, Kenjutsu rehearsal, 1/22/14

sigh...I've been waiting my whole life to get that note.

[Rev. Jordan T. Maxwell]

"Now I have friends I'm not afraid of!"
-Andreas Fabis, I Love You So Much 1/18/2014

[Ryan Austin]

Andrew Buck, I Love You So Much Jan. 25

His "things to do" in different countries.

"Have you been to Hitler's house? We must go!"

"It's France! They let you paint Napoleon's bones! Let's go!"

"The best thing to do in Australia? Well, that's to slice open a kangaroo, climb inside, then hop into a store and freak everybody out."

[happywaffle]

"We know all about your son! Your illegitimate son! Who happens to be a daughter! In prison!"

--Eric Wilson, Merlin Works Level 3 class, Jan. 29

[hujhax]

"Holy shit."
"What?"
"Someone *actually called* Radio Shack."
    -- Dubsport, dubbing this ad from the Super Bowl.

[poltergasm]

Roy Janik in the Squirrel Buddies show at Coldtowne tonight:

"It's still racist if you're being racist against made-up races, but it's less racist."

[Rev. Jordan T. Maxwell]

"You don't quit accounting! You just...die!"
-Andreas Fabis, ILYSM 2/8/2014

[Ryan Austin]

"Oh, also, third floor is wolf floor."
Aaron Saenz, with a russian accent as a bellhop in Sochi. Not in a show, just screwing around backstage before ILYSM.

[happywaffle]

"He's in middle school, he hates his life. YOU WONT BE UGLY FOREVER!" --Lindsey Heijl, What the Fuck, Feb. 8

[Richard]

"Before I go on stage, I always make sure to have a little 'alone time.'"

Justin Davis confessing during a 2-person scene of "Occasional Truth." Fancy Pants, February 7th.

[poltergasm]

Alex is playing a kid who sees the creepy old Summer Camp owner again, after having escaped his clutches earlier in the story. It was sort of implied that the creepy old guy wanted to get touch-y with Alex:

Alex: "Are you a the creepy old guy, or are you his ghost?"

Mike Nystul (in a ghost voice): "Put your hand through me and find out...."

I lost my shit.

[wiggies]

"That scene reminds me of Doctor Faustus, which I've never seen or read ... why do they let me teach anything?"

-Sarah Marie Curry, teaching her Viewpoints class.