Austin Improv

Here's a place where we can post our favorite show lines from the late 1800's I put 86 b/c we all know what a classic year it was. But feel free to do anything as long as it's not from the 90's. Cool. I'll start us off.

(scene takes place in a barn)

Whitman: Let's tidy up these hay bales and get our fuck on.
Alcott: I'm going to keep wearing what I am, thank you.
Whitman: Hmmm?
Alcott: Ponder that.

And who can forget that classic gag where Lincoln's corpse yells at Grover Cleveland

Older Woman: Tsk tsk, your hemline is brushing the tops of your boots, my dear!
Younger Woman: *cold stare*
Older Women: Humph!

William Tweed: This fish is as flat as a board...and twice as slippery!
City Cop: *blink blink*
William Tweed: I think you'll find that was humorous *slips $20 bill into cop's jacket pocket*
City Cop: HAHAHAHA...wait, didn't you die 8 years ago
William Tweed: I think you'll find I'm still quite alive *slips ghost $20 bill into cop's jacket pocket*
City Cop: *blink blink*

Actors on stage: "We need a suggestion for a play that's never been performed before."

Random Patron: "OUR AMERICAN COUSIN!"

Actor: "Excellent! When the lights come up....."

Mike wrote:Actors on stage: "We need a suggestion for a play that's never been performed before."

Random Patron: "OUR AMERICAN COUSIN!"

Actor: "Excellent! When the lights come up....."

Too soon!

Improviser with wig: "We need a suggestion of anything at all..."

Audience member with wig shoots live musket at stage.

Improviser: "Thank you. When the lights come up."

I was a big fan of that visiting troupe. The one with "Swishy Bucket" as a suggestion.



[all at once]

"Twence forth my jolly man!"

"Pish posh Myriam. Sire gits me quilty."

"Fr'sjshhsmm mah boy! Fruth froth and all thengs mighty!"

"Ahh righ' you arr guv'ner."

"Lavvveeeeruuumm Up! Laaaaaveeeerummm Up!"

"Thhhhwwwwwrrrrrrp."

*church bells*

British Regent: Happy Birthday, my Queen (presents her a scroll)
Queen Victoria: What is it?
British Regent: It's Burma.
Queen Victoria: Come again?
British Regent: Don't mind if I do!