Austin Improv

So we're talking about what physical actions we take, and what characters we like to play while on stage. Well something has to come out of the character's mouth while their cleaning a glass or sitting in a chair.

What were some of the most memorable lines/quotes you have heard in improv?

For me The Great Mundane was a treasure of quotes to put on t-shirts.

"Was the sherbert a lie?"

"Please, I'm German. Do you call this torture?"

"Here, take my top hat, you can be our mayor."

just to correct a wee bit, but the actual line was "Please, I'm German. You call this torture?" just want to make sure the t-shirt is accurate.

i was also fond of mine and Jeremy's exchange at the end of the last Great Mundane show: "How can you defeat me? I'm half machine!" "Ja, but I am all Nefarious!" I've been waiting my whole life to do a line like that.

my memory's rather scattered. it doesn't hold on to improv lines for very long so it's hard to recall some. the best one i heard recently was Kaci during the Cage Match, "Come here, Employee." so simple, but the way she said it just cracked me up.

James Aldredge is fondly remembered for going out during a game of Priest and a Rabbi in an early Jury show and saying, "Okay, I need to preface this. This is a transportation joke." The joke itself wasn't that funny, but that cracked us all up.

the 27 Hour show was fraught with quotables that we had written down somewhere. But the one that always sticks with me is Andrei declaring his governing motto as the dictator of Luxembourg: "Rule with an iron fist, but a limpid wrist."

But my all time favorite improv quote that i can remember comes from Mike D'Alonzo's infamous No Shame monologue, a mantra that i have long longed to have on a t-shirt..."There are only two things I know to be true in this world. I love eating pussy. And I am good at it."

Ben Reddell in a ONE NIGHT BAND SHOW once sang a song whose chorus was "I love to see it, don't you know... Let me see that pussy camel TOE!" and we all sang back up singing "Camel TOE! Camel TOE! Camel TOE!"

those were the days

Speaking of one night band...

I have friends that still sing "Fuck the Po-po" occassionally.

Thanks for that one Craig!

Every line uttered by Dollar Bill Stern in the Gravy show when he played Sharkfin Tony.

Also, this was in a word association warm up one night, but Bill's "Seatback Reclining Potato" has stayed with me for a long, long time.

Erika May="Whoa, slow down there, Jeff Gordon."

Alex Nixon=(while reading a note written by someone who he thought was dead) "'I've gone out around the corner.' Oh, I thought it said coroner."

Buckman="Fine, then you get in the cupboard."

Erika May: "toot, toot, we like steak!"

One line that I said that lived for a long time was in a TKN show..

I was a police officer bringing Mikey a citation because of his hideously deformed wife (played by Modig)...

Mikey: Whats the ticket for Officer?
Craig: Your wife is a sight for sore eyes... I mean an eye sore..
MIkey: Which one is it?
Craig: "eye sore", that is the one that is circled.

-CK
Toot toot my own horn.

i had this as my signature some time ago, but this made me laugh out loud at a maestro last year (kaci was playing 7 characters in a solo scene):

~after being discovered by his girlfriend with another girl at a party~

girl: why would you do this?
boy: i didn't know where you were!

heeee. that was really funny.
e

One time in a Whirled News show, Erika, Bob, and myself were in a scene and I said, "Wait! - Watch me!" (I don't remember what the scene was about)

Erika May said, "Wash you?" And then she shrugged her shoulders a little bit and then got a bucket and a rag and started washing me.

Awesome.

Last night; IFE; Nadine: "Oh, that reminds me: Do you still love me?"

After 3-2-1 Kill! tonight...

ANDY CROUCH: Wait, that's a lie, I wanted to tie you up afterwards.

JASTROCH: Newsweek killed my spouse-thing.

JASTROCH: You were brought to us on a stork that rode the west winds and was gilded with God's green love.

ARTHUR SIMONE: Tick-tock, tick-tock.

most of these really only make sense in context.

great show guys.

Aside from that, I have a few of my own favorite personal lines.

One was in the You Me & Greg Helldub Cagematch (I was speaking FOR Greg who was arguing with me about who got our two la-z-boys)

PHIL (as Greg): Okay, we're going to burn both of ours to the ground, and whoever's burns fastest, gets to keep it.

My other two favorites were in the same Pgraph show in which I played an old creepy magician who lived in a house that was haunted by ghosts and contained secret pre-WWII chocolate.

After Wes (as a kid) kicks my old man character... "Damn you...kids and your music."

and when Valerie told me she cared about me. "I don't even know who I am or why I live in this house and just mop all of the time".

wee. fun times.

This is one from back in my CSz days:

I was the ref at a 5:30 pm matinee show for a house of about 30 children (ages 5 -13) with their parents. We were playing "Story" and somehow it was endowed with "Dr. Suess". The story evolved to where the main character was deep-sea diving.

I pointed to Les McGehee who told me later that he was deperately trying to recall the "Star-bellied Sneeches" but instead he spouted, "The Star-headed Snatches went under the sea..." Immediate uncontrolable yet some how painfully stiffled laughter breaks out on the stage yet we carry on. Next I point to Tyler Bryce who adds, "... to find the magic button...". The laughter builds up and is now coming from some of the adults in the audience. I have just about lost it myself and then I point to Megan Flynn, "...under the fluffy sponge". I called "time" on that note and everyone broke-down in temor causing laughter for about 5 minutes.

Good times!

-dav