Made up gossip

Jessica · Post by **Jessica** » July 24th, 2010, 10:25 am

Gossip is so much fun, but unlike the drama communities of my youth, you guys do not provide as much gossip as I would like. Therefore, I am beginning a plan of making up gossip about anyone I like.

Did you hear that ....

Jessica · Post by **Jessica** » July 24th, 2010, 10:28 am

Did you hear that Ashley is actually the granddaughter of Audrey Hepburn? She is heir to the most beautiful dresses imaginable, but she can never wear them because men will instantly fall in love and start smoking. (We think that's what happened to Chris.)

Jessica · Post by **Jessica** » July 24th, 2010, 10:30 am

Did you hear that Sara Farr actually is a puppet? She has 3 animators that rotate, that's how she has so much energy and creativity. I heard that one of them is a boy but I can never figure out when I'm speaking to "him."

valetoile · Post by **valetoile** » July 24th, 2010, 6:33 pm

http://forum.austinimprov.com/viewtopic ... ake+gossip

Jessica · Post by **Jessica** » July 24th, 2010, 6:53 pm

Valerie created an entire forum thread - fake names and everything - I heard it was because she has so much fun doing improv that she just can't stop!

mpbrockman · Post by **mpbrockman** » July 24th, 2010, 10:30 pm

Jessica and Valerie have colluded in creating these identically themed threads in order to leave us all confused as to where to post our malicious gossip, thus paralyzing the gossipers and putting an end to wonderful, tasty internecine gossip once and for all.

Therefore I conclude that they are minions of these people and in need of deprogramming.

valetoile · Post by **valetoile** » July 24th, 2010, 10:54 pm

Michael Brockman is actually a dinosaur. they dinosaurs did not die out- they evolved.

Rev. Jordan T. Maxwell · July 25th, 2010, 5:44 am

with such licentious truths unearthed in the old thread, i feel it necessary to respond to the rumors and gossip surrounding myself and my former troupes...

Brian Boyko wrote:Jordan Maxwell is from Earth's distant past, abducted by aliens, and placed on the earth in order to stop World War III, which he's already done once with the help of Captain Kirk of the U.S.S. Starship Enterprise, from the future.

you're WELCOME, by the way...

Mike wrote: The real reason The Great Mundane is breaking up after their last performance is because NASA is putting them on a probe to be the first contact of life forms in the Alpha Centauri system.

it didn't work out...all they were interested in talking about were fall fashions and the approaching cosmic something-geddon. i wasn't paying attention...

Wesley wrote:Robert Mugabe was a nice guy until the Well Hung Jury refused to let him join. The current state of ZImbabwe is all their fault.

on the plus side, James Aldredge is now their Minister of the Interior.

sfarr2 wrote:-Ben, Mike, and several other Austin based improvisers have left for other cities to set up bases and recruit others to the improv revolt.

the L.A. operation is a bust, due to lack of audience response and the excessive amounts of some magical powder called "Kauquayne," or some such...

the_reverend wrote:Jordan T. Maxwell teaches underground workshops on oral sex. Those who have attended these workshops are slowly being hunted down and exterminated in occult rituals. In an unrelated story, Kacey Samiee is looking younger and younger each day...

i have had to discontinue these workshops because of the public outcry over my "excessive" use of Depeche Mode lyrics when describing technique...

also, Valerie is actually a giant version of herself stuffed into a smaller Valerie suit using advanced Gallifreyan technology. look for the seams...

Brian Boyko · Post by **Brian Boyko** » July 25th, 2010, 5:28 pm

Rumor:

If you're an Austin improviser, male or female, Brian Boyko has likely at one point fantasized about you. Not sexually - that's just normal guy stuff. But he's likely fantasized about having a rewarding, loving long term relationship, possibly with cohabitation with you. These fantasies always culminate in a "cuddle while watching Fried Green Tomatoes" session. There would be dancing and matching towels and dancing with matching towels and matching towels dancing.

Jessica · Post by **Jessica** » July 25th, 2010, 7:17 pm

I heard that Marc Majcher bought a space ship, but it looks like a car. When ever he says he has to hang with Pai, they are really going into space to kick some alien butt. Pai is the general.

mpbrockman · Post by **mpbrockman** » July 25th, 2010, 8:35 pm

valetoile wrote:Michael Brockman is actually a dinosaur...

I prefer the the term "anachronism". However, I believe this gives me license to occasionally eat one of you.

So, who's juiciest?

Also, this may not qualify as gossip but rather as a simple truth. Jordan T. Maxwell is obviously a made-up name. Nevertheless, his avatar gave me the clue needed to ferret out his seedy past.

Formerly known as the Right Rev. John D. Higgins, he was forced out of the church in disgrace after being accused of using the host for immoral purposes. Although he crossed state lines in the process, the indictments under the Mann Act were thrown out due to the wafers in question not being able to provide positive proof of age.

Obviously, the next logical step was improv.

Rev. Jordan T. Maxwell · July 26th, 2010, 1:18 am

mpbrockman wrote:
valetoile wrote:Michael Brockman is actually a dinosaur...
I prefer the the term "anachronism". However, I believe this gives me license to occasionally eat one of you.

So, who's juiciest?

Also, this may not qualify as gossip but rather as a simple truth. Jordan T. Maxwell is obviously a made-up name. Nevertheless, his avatar gave me the clue needed to ferret out his seedy past.

Formerly known as the Right Rev. John D. Higgins, he was forced out of the church in disgrace after being accused of using the host for immoral purposes. Although he crossed state lines in the process, the indictments under the Mann Act were thrown out due to the wafers in question not being able to provide positive proof of age.

Obviously, the next logical step was improv.

transubstantiation makes everything 18...

Rev. Jordan T. Maxwell · July 26th, 2010, 1:19 am

Jessica has an extra toe...but it's never been seen in the same place twice.

mpbrockman · Post by **mpbrockman** » July 26th, 2010, 2:40 am

the_reverend wrote:transubstantiation makes everything 18...

T'were this said in a show, it would be hands down the "Best Show Line" winner.

IMHO, it may well rank among the best lines anywhere ever.

Oh, and rumor has it that Penelope Foolish has discovered the secrets of parthogenesis and plans to single-handedly repopulate Austin with clowns. Scary, scary clowns.

Rev. Jordan T. Maxwell · July 26th, 2010, 8:16 pm

mpbrockman wrote:
the_reverend wrote:transubstantiation makes everything 18...
T'were this said in a show, it would be hands down the "Best Show Line" winner.

IMHO, it may well rank among the best lines anywhere ever.

it's all about the inspiration...which i derive from Asaf's underground 1-900 "dial-a-line" service.