Austin Improv

the catwalk outside the green room was originally constructed as a dueling platform for the Marquis because the Hideout staff had grown tired of repairing and cleaning the slash marks, puncture holes, blood stains and, inexplicably, scorch marks that used to range about the entire roof of the building.

#legendsofthemarquis

I for one think all this talk of a "Marquis" is a bunch of hooey...

Chuy! wrote:I for one think all this talk of a "Marquis" is a bunch of hooey...

you would do well to relieve yourself of such skepticism, traveler! i myself once scoffed at the presence of the Marquis, but have been jabbed in the arm one time too many to doubt any further! though on at least one occasion, it turned out the Marquis had expertly administered every performer and patron within the Hideout's walls an influenza vaccination through those jabs that spared us all!

#legendsofthemarquis

Then, after a brief stint as an underwear model (no, pun intended), he left the marquee and the funky bunch behind and went on to become as serious an actor as one can be with a 12-inch prosthesis glued to one's schlong.

Ceej still tells the story, after lo these many years (by which I mean that Ceej started telling the story many years ago and is still telling it), of one of the many Maestros that failed to attract an audience in the Hideout's earlier days. It was a wet and rainy Saturday night, and not a soul had appeared. The performers sat around as 10:00 rolled past, then 10:05, then 10:10, with no sign of an audience. Eventually, his voice cracking, Andy Crouch announced that the show had not made and would be called. As the dejected players began to make their way downstairs, they were confronted by a rush of humanity, clambering through the door.

Each of these sopping wretches told the same story. They had been going about their business downtown, rushing to one bar or another to get out of the rain, when they were accosted by a mysterious figure. Some swore he wore a powdered wig. Others could recall only seeing a flash of lace. But on this point they all agree: He commanded them, in somber tones, to get themselves to the Hideout Theatre, and to drive his point home, he stabbed each of them in the arm. So, soaked through and bleeding, they each made their individual way to the Hideout, where warmth, laughter, and bandages awaited them.

Ceej says it was the best Maestro he's ever played in. Ceej says that about a lot of Maestros.

As for the audience, one can only hope they had a good time. Would that we could know. No one has any record of that night. No videos or photographs exist, and if you ask Roy Janik about it, he will only smile cryptically and touch his hand to the scar on his arm.

#legendsofthemarquis

mpbrockman wrote:Then, after a brief stint as an underwear model (no, pun intended), he left the marquee and the funky bunch behind and went on to become as serious an actor as one can be with a 12-inch prosthesis glued to one's schlong.

ah, i see your confusion...you speak of the Marquis D'Wahlberg. he wishes your mother glad tidings.

This thread has turned into my new favorite thing my friends have done...

Sean Hill was once known as Sean Mountain, before he faced the Marquis in a status battle.

#legendsofthemarquis

Rev. Jordan T. Maxwell wrote:Sean Hill was once known as Sean Mountain, before he faced the Marquis in a status battle.

#legendsofthemarquis

I'm afraid I will need a more detailed and florid recounting of that, lest I allow The Hideout Marquis to be relegated to the status of a Chuck Norris meme.

I dare this fucker to try to stab me... You think I'm not carrying, Markwis? I throw down my bandana at you and aol filet your ass!

kbadr wrote:

Rev. Jordan T. Maxwell wrote:Sean Hill was once known as Sean Mountain, before he faced the Marquis in a status battle.

#legendsofthemarquis

I'm afraid I will need a more detailed and florid recounting of that, lest I allow The Hideout Marquis to be relegated to the status of a Chuck Norris meme.

apologies, your lordship...the original account i read, in the Marquis's own hand mind you, was in the form of a Zen koan written in Japanese. it loses something in the translation, it's true...but the elegance and lyricism of the original is quite beautiful in its economy. and the calligraphy is simply breathtaking...

there IS a first hand recounting, given by the cleric Michael of Alonzo, that goes into more depth if you'd like me to dig out that particular tome...

Rev. Jordan T. Maxwell wrote:

kbadr wrote:

Rev. Jordan T. Maxwell wrote:Sean Hill was once known as Sean Mountain, before he faced the Marquis in a status battle.

#legendsofthemarquis

I'm afraid I will need a more detailed and florid recounting of that, lest I allow The Hideout Marquis to be relegated to the status of a Chuck Norris meme.

apologies, your lordship...the original account i read, in the Marquis's own hand mind you, was in the form of a Zen koan written in Japanese.  it loses something in the translation, it's true...but the elegance and lyricism of the original is quite beautiful in its economy.  and the calligraphy is simply breathtaking...

there IS a first hand recounting, given by the cleric Michael of Alonzo, that goes into more depth if you'd like me to dig out that particular tome...

Oh, right, you weren't around for this one, Jordan -- may I fill in the details?

--

In the early days of the Hideout, Sean Markowitz was not content to be the mere lease-holder of the theater.  No, he fancied himself to be something... more.  One week it was "Sean Superhero", and he had that cape and mask.  One week it was "Emperor Seanius", with the robes and all that.  Then one week he went sort of WWF-themed, and insisted upon being called "Sean MOUNTAIN!!", complete with the double exclamation points.

Then one night, during Gorilla Theater, Sean had a third date scene that got a forfeit.  Sean drew a slip from the forfeit bucket, and to his surprise, nabbed a neatly-folded piece of beige parchment, sealed with a blob of wax imprinted with a rococo-looking "M".

He opened the card, and almost absently read aloud the contents:  "You shall face your comeuppance for your hubris... in a status battle with the Hideout Marquis".  The hairs went up on the back of his neck, and he slowly turned around to see... none other than the Hideout Marquis, standing *right behind him*, nonchalantly leaning on his sword.

Sean was unfazed.  He was, after all, the "MOUNTAIN YOU'RE COUNTIN' ON, WRESTLING FANS" -- so he said evenly, "I don't think we need to settle this in a theatrical status battle.  I say we do this more traditionally -- by the sword!"

At that very moment, Craig Kotfas tossed Sean his épée from stage left, and a split-second later, the battle was on.  It was a sight to behold:  for nigh-on two hours, the two raged against each other, Sean swirling and slicing, the Marquis jaunting back and forth, with his sword always just happening to occupy the perfect position to parry the faster man's blows.

And then, with a smirk, the Marquis threw his blade into the air, and it planted itself firmly in the ceiling.  (You can still see that little hole above downstage right, if you look carefully.)  Sean saw his chance -- he growled, "You'll pay for this mockery, Marquis!" and charged.

The Marquis merely... stood his ground.

Some say that Kacey Samiee softly whimpered, "Marquis!  No!"

But at the very last second, the Marquis took a quick step to the right, and with a sweep of his cape and a snatch of his hand, stole away Sean's very blade from him.  Sean's momentum carried him forward, and with a quick nudge, Sean was spinning around to face the Marquis, about a sword's-length away.

We could all tell it was a sword's-length away, because the Marquis held the point of Sean's own sword at Sean's Adam's apple.

Again, much of the Marquis' speech is now lost to history, but the general gist of it was that the Hideout is a great thing, and 'tis not owned by any one man, nor controlled by any mere legal document.  It is composed of the hopes and dreams and imaginations of everyone who sets foot upon that stage, and every dreamer who watches from its seats.

And it was a real Road to Damascus moment for Sean, come to think of it.  Sean fell to one knee and asked for the Marquis' forgiveness.  And it was in fact Sean's own idea to change his name to Sean Hill, a man who would be, from then on, known for his humility towards his art.

#legendsofthemarquis


P.S. Note that this battle was not nearly as badass as the epic swordfight between the Marquis and Meghan Wolff.  The concomitant damage from that one was the *real* reason for most of the remodelling at the theatre.  And trust me, we were all relieved to see them settle their differences in the heat of battle and team up against their *real* enemy.

But that is another story, and shall be told another time.



--
peter rogers @ netbook | http://hujhax.livejournal.com

Go back to any pilot you can think of and you'll find a bunch of nervous actors just trying not to get fired.
      -- Jack Coleman, of Heroes

Chuy! wrote:I dare this fucker to try to stab me... You think I'm not carrying, Markwis? I throw down my bandana at you and aol filet your ass!

::Swing::

The Hideout marquis does not answer commonplace 'Dares' as if he were some lad meandering about the playground in some primary school! Know ye, Chuy, though your passion and courage comes from the lineage of the mighty and legendary Conquistadors, such false bravado is not tolerated in polite society!

You may be, in your vulgar argot, "Carrying", however no mere projectile of lead and copper could ever defeat the body or concept which is the Marquis!

::STAB:: ::STAB::

Yes, a second stab for such crass insolence; should you wish to duel as a proper gentleman and not some malodorous gutter snipe, you may throw a scented gentleman's hanky towards the ground in challenge, and not some sweat-soaked horse rag.

::STAB::

HUZZAH!!!

"To dream ... the impossible dream ...
To fight ... the unbeatable foe ...
To bear ... with unbearable sorrow ...
To run ... where the brave dare not go ...
To right ... the unrightable wrong ...
To love ... pure and chaste from afar ...
To try ... when your arms are too weary ...
To reach ... the unreachable star ... "

Fuck ye, Markwis...

Chuy! wrote:Fuck ye, Markwis...

I see we cannot communicate as civilized men of culture. Therefore, I say to you this: (Please forgive my Spanish, as it is a little rusty and I have not had to use it in such a vulgar way for awhile.)

"Que sean violados por los órganos genitales de un millar de pulguientos burros."

::STAB::

HUZZAH!!!

"Red - the blood of angry men!
Black - the dark of ages past!
Red - a world about to dawn!
Black - the night that ends at last! "