Austin Improv

Justin D. wrote:"You have to caress her face, and then you slip it in."
-- Theresa Kubos giving dating advice during February sixth's Maestro

"Don't fly an invisible airplane drunk, because if you crash, then nobody will know that you need help." -- Eric Heiburg as Wonder Woman doing stand-up

follow up to Eric's quote above, as he assumed the position of being downed in a seated position...

"And some homeless guy might think you're presenting!"

i nearly died! also...

"Mom, can I help?"
-Theresa, as the young daughter of a prostitute in a brothel scene

during last night's Pgraph "Heat Death of the Universe" show. Kaci as a naked hillbilly in response to her nudity.

Kaci: "If God didn't give it to us, why am I wearing it?"

"'Never throw away a winnin' lottery ticket just 'cause it got your daddy's blood on it,' that's what momma always says." -sandra markarian, total panic

the_reverend wrote:during last night's Pgraph "Heat Death of the Universe" show. Kaci as a naked hillbilly in response to her nudity.

Kaci: "If God didn't give it to us, why am I wearing it?"

If I could transcribe it properly, I would nominate the exchange from the hobo scene where Roy, named "Frothy Carl" by Kaci, tries to introduce himself, but can't remember his name and says, "How's it going? I'm Drooling Dan or some shit". The 3-4 lines before and after that were all priceless.

From the Heat Death of the Universe

Roy: Possums are...

Kaci: Un-people!

I'm paraphrasing, if someone can remember this better, please...

The Heat Death of the Universe show (love that name) was great all around.

It's a good sign when there is a lot of paraphrasing going on. That generally means people are too busy laughing to remember the line exactly. Like me trying to remember a line Kacey said last night in the final Jerzey Shores show. It went something like this.

"I'm still trying to get over the baby that I was never pregnant with because you emotionally aborted it."

Shana's entire blowjob song as Wookie was incredible, but the moment i nearly died from:

Shana: "I'm gonna blow you like an angel blows its horn."

or something to that effect.

oh, and line of the night for me from last night's Maestro during, with Maggie as a surly adopted child.

Maggie: Eat it, fake daddy.

Bam.

Level 4 Graduation show last night. I found this to be adorable:

Two people playing conjoined twins.

Ashley Lowe: How long have we been together?

From the Confidence Men's shows in OKC

Guesting in a format called "20 [Films] in 30 [Minutes]:
"My husband is dead and I want to hire you to find out I killed him."
Jeff Britt as a Film Noir femme fatale

Asaf wrote:"My husband is dead and I want to hire you to find out I killed him."
Jeff Britt as a Film Noir femme fatale

*golf clap*

"We've been eating cursed food that you got from witch sex? That's gross"

- Shana Merlin, Get Up, Saturday Night Special

This isn't World War II! This is real life!

-Kaci, Hitchcocked!, 3/13/2010

Noah playing a father who has gotten rid of his emotions was giving an explanation on why his wife needed to die. After being new choiced multiple times he just lifted a chair above his head in anger.
Ok, it's not a line but the scene quickly became one of my favorite scenes of all time.

I've been cleaning my apartment, so I've come across a bunch of slips of paper with show quotes on them:

"Who is this harlot and why is she prettier than me?"
-Kaci to Curtis (re: Kristin), Austin Secrets, 2/27/10

"We were divorced the minute you played that Rachmaninoff like it was a computer printout".
- Curtis to Kaci, Austin Secrets, 2/27/10

"You shot my eyebrow off. How'm I supposed to look skeptical?"
-Pat, This Week Tonight, 3/12/10

"My apartment's name is Princess Diana"
-Pat, This Week Tonight, 3/12/10

"I came all the way from Bedrock and boy are my feet tired"
-Asaf as Bam Bam performing standup at Maestro

"Did you give up balloon-selling when you became a widow?"
-Kaci to Chuy, This Week Tonight, 3/5/10

"Wow, you are really cantankerous for a man with so much chocolate money on his lawn".
-Eric to Chuy, This Week Tonight, 3/5/10

"Oh my god, I'm Canadian- please don't kill me".
-Topping, This Week Tonight, 3/5/10

"Oh, hello there! I'm Sarah Palin and I ran for part of the presidency".
-Kaci, This Week Tonight, 3/5/10

"It's a nondenominational miracle"
- Curtis, Office Party, 12/18/09

"There was no leak. It was just a clipart snafu"
-Marc, regarding corporate espionage, Office Party, 12/18/09

"I love food. It's like my favorite thing to eat"
-Erin, Hideout Valentine show, 2/14/10

"We're like an axe murderer and a victim. 'Cause an axe murderer is nothing without a victim"
-Roy to Kristin

Munga wrote: "Oh, hello there! I'm Sarah Palin and I ran for part of the presidency".
-Kaci, This Week Tonight, 3/5/10

ha yay