Austin Improv

beardedlamb wrote: thank you, REVEREND.

if that's true, then what is masturbation?

Something to help get through the hard times.

Dear person who "cancelled" their question,

I've been thinking about you and was hoping you might possibly edit it and reconsider. but if not, and you'd still like my advice - let me know how to get it to you and we can do a trade; my advice - for a coke and a chocolate chip cookie. let me know : ) ...or I can just get it to you.

Dudes!
...a reminder that you can e-mail questions to me directly at rachelmadorsky@yahoo.com and indicate if you want your name deleted or you can make one up. I will protect your confidentiality.

or

4) even better - if you don't want me to know that you are asking the question, you can access ask(dot)rachel@yahoo(dot)com and compose an e-mail from there. The password is: anythinggoes and the user ID is ask.rachel@yahoo.com

...OK This Week's Post!

QUESTION:


Dear Rachel:

I feel very pessimistic about the possibilities of being in a satisfying romantic relationship. First of all, I'm more or less mystified as to how people even get into relationships. I've had two boyfriends, but they both seem like fluke occurrences. Trying to date, in the traditional sense, has led to either so-so dates, OR really awesome dates where we connect, but then the guy is lame and never calls back. So that's no fun.

I think it would help if I knew what I really wanted. But that's another problem. I feel sometimes like I like nearly everyone, which makes me feel slightly desperate. I want to feel mature and have good judgment and be a strong confident woman.

I also feel like, although I know I am awesome, that men are not looking for my kind of awesome. That even though men say they want an intelligent, funny, strong, independent woman, they really want those qualities to a certain extent, and really want a woman who is pretty, demure, and subservient.

Am I over complicating things? blehhhhhh

-My own best gal


ANSWER:


Dear My own best gal,

I hear ya! It can be discouraging to be 'out there'.

You are awesome for putting yourself out there far enough to get disappointed – really. That says a lot about your willingness and readiness and means you’re getting closer to getting what you want.

It can feel bad when we like someone and they don’t reciprocate AND at the same time we don’t want what we feel about ourselves to be defined by someone else. (easier said than done) – it takes a lot of strength and self-responsibility to not reject ourselves when we feel someone else has rejected us. Also, YOU said "... the guy is lame..â€

no questions came in this week ~

Here's some advice anyway:


YES. Yes you should!

And have a good time!



: )

Rachel wrote:no questions came in this week ~

Here's some advice anyway:


YES. Yes you should!

And have a good time!



: )

really? hmm...okay. I'll let those guys know they can totally hide their crack shipment in my house. thanks!

and i should have a question (or two) for you soon. just trying to think about how to word them (hey, if people are going to be reading about my neuroses, i want them to be well composed, dammit!).

*BUMP*

This has been gone too long...

Dear Rachel

I haven't had any luck lately in the flirt department and I am starting to crawl the walls. I need a good pickup line, something that will sweep a girl off her feet and into my bed. There is this lady in one of my classes and I can't keep my mind off her… I don't even know her last name, so what are some good ways for her to notice me without looking like I'm trying too hard? Give me some sort of dope line, please!

-Need a leg up

Hi Friends,

I couldn't find the energy to return to this post -
so I've turned the advice giving over to my good friend,
the lovely and often inebriated Dirty Dirty Whore.

Ladies and Gentleman -

Introducing dirty dirty whore (DDW).
She likes to give advice, drink dirty martinis and is a dirty dirty whore.

anon wrote:Dear DDW

I haven't had any luck lately in the flirt department and I am starting to crawl the walls. I need a good pickup line, something that will sweep a girl off her feet and into my bed. There is this lady in one of my classes and I can't keep my mind off her… I don't even know her last name, so what are some good ways for her to notice me without looking like I'm trying too hard? Give me some sort of dope line, please!

-Need a leg up

Dear Need a leg up,

Lady women like confidence and honesty

Try confidently saying to her -
Hi, I can't keep my mind off you. Wanna grab a drink and talk about you?

If you just wanna get laid - tell her she's beautiful.
That always works with me.

if she knows she's beautiful
tell her she's smarrt.

Dear DDW,
I'm having a bit of trouble with the ladies these days. You see, everybody thinks I'm fucking dead so every time I try to put the moves on some curvy broad she freaks and runs away screaming about "Zombie Vigoda" or some bullshit. You got any advice on how to get these bitches to chill the fuck out and hop on the Abe Train?

Abe_Vigoda wrote:Dear DDW,
I'm having a bit of trouble with the ladies these days. You see, everybody thinks I'm fucking dead so every time I try to put the moves on some curvy broad she freaks and runs away screaming about "Zombie Vigoda" or some bullshit. You got any advice on how to get these bitches to chill the fuck out and hop on the Abe Train?

Dear fake Abe,

I know for a fact you're not the real Abe,
since the real Abe and I go way back and he's a sweet sweet sweet heart.

YOU might be having trouble with the ladies because you're acting like an asshole.