Austin Improv

Jordan wrote:I can't get anyone to do the Cthulhu shuffle with me (dances a jig)

-710 Split Show, 12/27/2009

Kaci: You seem enthusiastic.
Curtis: Thank you, I have been cultivating facial enthusiasm.

-from the Amazon & The Milksop show, 12/27/2009

Roy Janik wrote:

majcher wrote:"You know, things to do."

Marc, I have a feeling this will wind up being one of my top 5 lines this go-round. It was perfect in context, and your delivery of it was instantaneous and unapologetic.

Someone with a better memory should post the preceding dialogue and situation.

The orphan Horace (Curtis) had just been rescued from a horrible life of servitude and drug addiction by his aunt (Valerie), his uncle (Jon Bolden), and their fixer/guy-who-gets-things-done (Majcher). It was realized by Horace that his relatives had known of him and his predicament for years, but had only recently come to save him.

Curtis: But, if you knew about the picture and my mother, why did you wait FIVE YEARS to come find me?
Marc (without a moment's hesitation, and in a fine Dickensian accent): "Oh, you know, fings to do..."

i was still recovering from being eaten by zombies (the first time), so i missed who said it, but in the third set at Same Year's, someone said something like:

"This is our third emergency meeting this week!"

and it cracked me up.

also...

Caitlin (waiting for Joplin): Where is he?
Chuy (steps into the light): I'm here!

Roy Janik wrote:

Curtis wrote:Wow, I haven't known many women who could handle the bold flavor of Dos Equis.

-from the Amazon & The Milksop show, 12/27/2009

oh, so very seconded!

"Stage two, bitches!!!"

- Peter Rogers, Maestro, commenting on pancreatic cancer.

Kim Roche wrote:Maybe Heaven is a temp job that pays 17 bucks an hour and has no direct supervisor.

-My Friend Stripey final show of their initial run, 1/3/2010

Spaceship!-blonde child in the audience 01.02.10 Maestro.

Suggestion for a relationship

Sunday 1/3 PGraph show. Val was an old, clueless woman on Beeler's paper route

Val: Is there anything interesting in the news?
Beeler: Uh...the Cowboys won
Val: Oh good, those Indians had it coming.

I wish I could capture how awesome and immediate Val's line was.

kbadr wrote:Sunday 1/3 PGraph show. Val was an old, clueless woman on Beeler's paper route

Val: Is there anything interesting in the news?
Beeler: Uh...the Cowboys won
Val: Oh good, those Indians had it coming.

I wish I could capture how awesome and immediate Val's line was.

Niiiiiiiiiiiiiice, Val. Real nice.

When the devil comes back he's going to be wearing a turquoise bowler shirt.
-Tom, Booker & Son, 1/7/2010 

kbadr wrote:Sunday 1/3 PGraph show. Val was an old, clueless woman on Beeler's paper route

Val: Is there anything interesting in the news?
Beeler: Uh...the Cowboys won
Val: Oh good, those Indians had it coming.

I wish I could capture how awesome and immediate Val's line was.

Too soon.

This may be the only time I've submitted a line for something that didn't come from a show. Peter Rogers said this in a mobster scene during the Merlin Works Mixer when another person mentioned something about wanting a sandwich.

"How about a fuck you sandwich? That's a piece of bread on top, another piece of bread on the bottom, and a FUCK YOU in the middle."

Imagine the hand gestures that went with that to really drive it home.

"Is this the line for Uncle Tom's Crazy Cabin?" - Jenny Carlson in line for increasingly racist rides at a Six Flags-esqe amusement park. At the Sarah Seven show, Coldtowne Theater, 1-3-2010.

Madeline wrote:Lower your pants, sir. The whores are in the next room.

-from the Keith Johnstone workshop, day 3

(Kaci and Howard in a scene where they are both telling a story one word at a time, after receiving a free cotton candy at the county fair)

Kaci: Free!
Howard: ...Dom!

also, clearly...

(Troy is given the challenge to do a monologue convincing someone to go home with him that night)

lights up
Troy: (points repeatedly to his own crotch)
lights down

-Johnstone Maestro