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Posted: March 27th, 2009, 12:34 am
by Jeff
... can't tell the difference between butterscotch and caramel-- the colors or the flavors-- and I don't care, either.
Posted: March 27th, 2009, 6:02 am
by mpbrockman
arthursimone wrote:... fucked my own mother
Was she alive at the time?
Posted: March 27th, 2009, 12:15 pm
by DollarBill
-- can admit when I'm not gonna be able to be funnier than the flippin' piano player... nice work Brockman...
mpbrockman wrote:-remove scabs with duct tape
-have genitalia that has been used as a model by the Dremel design team
-have remote surfing skills allowing me to watch The Daily Show, Sportscenter, Nightline, 100 Ways to Die, a UFC match and Reading Rainbow simultaneously with full comprehension and retention.
-have been with GGG for two years without catching PMS
-have to shave the inside of my back
-am big enough to admit that Ann Coulter is manlier than me.
Really.
Posted: March 27th, 2009, 5:34 pm
by Lants
'm Jericho Thorp
Posted: March 27th, 2009, 5:54 pm
by valetoile
...sometimes, when I'm really hungry, bite off the tips of my own fingers as I scarf down my triple hamburger, and then the tips have regenerated by the time I'm finished.
Posted: March 27th, 2009, 6:08 pm
by Mike
- use jp5 as mouthwash
- am a genetic compillation of the DNA collected from Lee Marvin, Steve McQueen, Lemmy, Gen George Patton, John Cassavetes, Clint Eastwood, and Martina Navratalova.
- use dirt as a bandage
- have won in a fistfight against Ken Shamrock and Coolio.
Posted: March 27th, 2009, 6:34 pm
by TexasImprovMassacre
...went to the cheesecake factory but didn't order anything.
...traded my tear ducts for half a container of copenhagen.
...tivo the guy who sells knives on the home shopping network.
Posted: March 27th, 2009, 8:24 pm
by Mike
- make my clothing out of use "Shamwows"
- use a blowtorch to remove underarm hair
-quote various Chuck Norris lines...in church
- use Evi Kenevel as my travel agent
- bathe in lava
- voted for Ross Perot in '08
- make telemarketing calls to telemarketers
- go to Ringling Brothers circus just to see if the clowns get eaten by the lions.
Posted: March 28th, 2009, 2:55 am
by TexasImprovMassacre
...wear sunglasses to bed.
...have more chest hair than robbin williams.
...can't hear music if it isn't skynard.
Posted: March 28th, 2009, 11:55 am
by bilbo
...think about banging a chick and she gets pregnant.
...only cried once and that was at the end of the movie "8 Seconds" AND my tears weren't tears but gravy.
...have a boner that is an actual bone.
Posted: March 28th, 2009, 4:52 pm
by Jeff
... shit only outdoors, and wipe with cats.
... can piss farther than you can piss.
... fuck women hello.
Posted: March 28th, 2009, 8:28 pm
by mpbrockman
DollarBill wrote:nice work Brockman...
Much appreciated. Wish I'd come up with Vines' "use tiny Japanese girls as house slippers" line tho'.
Posted: March 30th, 2009, 11:14 am
by LuBu McJohnson
...bitched a bitch
...fucked a fuck
...cunted a cunt
...assed an ass
Posted: March 30th, 2009, 10:42 pm
by Curtis + computer
... fart motorcycles.
... can only pop chubb when ESPN2's lumberjack games are on.
... own more crossbows than forks.
... can't read.
Posted: March 31st, 2009, 11:05 am
by Lants
... think that football should be played without pads and helmets and inside a volcano.
... when I get x-rayed, I show up as all dicks.
... don't have to fucking tell you!