I'm such a Man that I...

Jeff · Post by **Jeff** » March 27th, 2009, 12:34 am

... can't tell the difference between butterscotch and caramel-- the colors or the flavors-- and I don't care, either.

mpbrockman · Post by **mpbrockman** » March 27th, 2009, 6:02 am

arthursimone wrote:... fucked my own mother

Was she alive at the time?

DollarBill · Post by **DollarBill** » March 27th, 2009, 12:15 pm

-- can admit when I'm not gonna be able to be funnier than the flippin' piano player... nice work Brockman...

mpbrockman wrote:-remove scabs with duct tape

-have genitalia that has been used as a model by the Dremel design team

-have remote surfing skills allowing me to watch The Daily Show, Sportscenter, Nightline, 100 Ways to Die, a UFC match and Reading Rainbow simultaneously with full comprehension and retention.

-have been with GGG for two years without catching PMS

-have to shave the inside of my back

-am big enough to admit that Ann Coulter is manlier than me. Really.

Lants · Post by **Lants** » March 27th, 2009, 5:34 pm

'm Jericho Thorp

valetoile · Post by **valetoile** » March 27th, 2009, 5:54 pm

...sometimes, when I'm really hungry, bite off the tips of my own fingers as I scarf down my triple hamburger, and then the tips have regenerated by the time I'm finished.

Mike · Post by **Mike** » March 27th, 2009, 6:08 pm

- use jp5 as mouthwash

- am a genetic compillation of the DNA collected from Lee Marvin, Steve McQueen, Lemmy, Gen George Patton, John Cassavetes, Clint Eastwood, and Martina Navratalova.

- use dirt as a bandage

- have won in a fistfight against Ken Shamrock and Coolio.

TexasImprovMassacre · March 27th, 2009, 6:34 pm

...went to the cheesecake factory but didn't order anything.

...traded my tear ducts for half a container of copenhagen.

...tivo the guy who sells knives on the home shopping network.

Mike · Post by **Mike** » March 27th, 2009, 8:24 pm

- make my clothing out of use "Shamwows"

- use a blowtorch to remove underarm hair

-quote various Chuck Norris lines...in church

- use Evi Kenevel as my travel agent

- bathe in lava

- voted for Ross Perot in '08

- make telemarketing calls to telemarketers

- go to Ringling Brothers circus just to see if the clowns get eaten by the lions.

TexasImprovMassacre · March 28th, 2009, 2:55 am

...wear sunglasses to bed.

...have more chest hair than robbin williams.

...can't hear music if it isn't skynard.

bilbo · Post by **bilbo** » March 28th, 2009, 11:55 am

...think about banging a chick and she gets pregnant.

...only cried once and that was at the end of the movie "8 Seconds" AND my tears weren't tears but gravy.

...have a boner that is an actual bone.

Jeff · Post by **Jeff** » March 28th, 2009, 4:52 pm

... shit only outdoors, and wipe with cats.

... can piss farther than you can piss.

... fuck women hello.

mpbrockman · Post by **mpbrockman** » March 28th, 2009, 8:28 pm

DollarBill wrote:nice work Brockman...

Much appreciated. Wish I'd come up with Vines' "use tiny Japanese girls as house slippers" line tho'.

LuBu McJohnson · Post by **LuBu McJohnson** » March 30th, 2009, 11:14 am

...bitched a bitch
...fucked a fuck
...cunted a cunt
...assed an ass

Curtis + computer · Post by **Curtis + computer** » March 30th, 2009, 10:42 pm

... fart motorcycles.

... can only pop chubb when ESPN2's lumberjack games are on.

... own more crossbows than forks.

... can't read.

Lants · Post by **Lants** » March 31st, 2009, 11:05 am

... think that football should be played without pads and helmets and inside a volcano.

... when I get x-rayed, I show up as all dicks.

... don't have to fucking tell you!