Austin Improv

Yay! That was from our show last night!

My favorite for a LONG time was in a Coldtowne show. Chris and Tami are trapped in a house surrounded by scary noises and they're freaking out. Tami grabs a phone and starts dialing. And dialing. And dialing. It's like a thirty digit number.

Chris: Who are you dialing?
Tami: I'm just pressing numbers. Hello?
Arthur (on phone): You've reached a crazy land!

Cracks my shit up.

I forgot to note this from P-graph's Dinner Theater on Saturday, Dec 15th.

Kareem: (angrily) "If I have to hear about tolerance one more time..."

I love lines like that.

Ego's 12.19.07

James Roberts: (banging on glass wall) Help! Caveman no like living in exhibit anymore. Want real life!
Ann Wilson: (banging back) Help! Businessman hate real world! Want in exhibit!


...or something like that. Someone help me fix this for accuracy.

Coldtowne Cagematch 11/29

At the top of the scene, Cody was endowed as Michael Jordon. Either he or his partner was riding a toy horsey. Anyway, after being endowed as Jordan....

CODY=Wayne Gretzky, I haven't seen you since you cured cancer. What are you doing in this super market?

Also. in the same show, Cody's burger wasn't cooked to perfection.
CODY=You nerds gotta learn how to grill.

Joel:

[Old Redneck playing Galaga] "Have you ever seen a Sas-Quatch drunk off his ass on Hennessy?"

I got a job. I am a stamplicker for a high-tech company.

-rachel, (rubbing it in after a breakup) 12.28.07 3fer

Arthur Simone in the same year's musical show:

"I'm leaving right now unless there's a song..."

everyone stopped and looked at him. then there was no song, so arthur left.

Jordan Maxwell - "You townspeople will need to learn how to forgive the people you've killed."

Miggy wrote:Jordon Maxwell - "You townspeople will need to learn how to forgive the people you've killed."

I thought it was "You townspeople need to learn how to forgive your enemies after you've killed them".

Could be wrong tho'.

Great line either way.

if i remember it correctly, it was "You have to learn how to forgive your enemies once you've killed them." But i'm notorious for misquoting myself. (and it's Jordan...i don't particularly care, but my mother gets annoyed. you don't want to annoy my mother, do you?)

oh, also, thank you.

my nomination from last night: "Good thing I'm a cyborg now!" -Arthur Simone.

i almost had to go backstage, i was laughing so hard.

[quote="the_reverend"]my nomination from last night: "Good thing I'm a cyborg now!" -Arthur Simone.
quote]
That kinda needs some context. Why was it funny?

the_reverend wrote:if i remember it correctly, it was "You have to learn how to forgive your enemies once you've killed them."

Yep, I think that was it (or awfully similar). I had occasion to trot this line out in a completely non-improv-related stage situation tonight and received a few guffaws, several delayed laughs and a lot of confused looks. For me, this is a home run.

Y'all write some of my best stage banter. Thx.

Scott Chester: My last one night stand was so cabinet...
Audience: How cabinet was it?
Scott: It was so cabinet she appointed me Secretary of Sex!

Ego's 1/02/08

Frank Willmore: Is that why you slipped Sandy some acid?
Scott Chester: Sandy had it coming, that little dog has been shitting everywhere!

Ego's 1/02/08

Jericho: knock knock

audience: who's there

Jericho: a new cat

JamCity 1.5.08