Austin Improv

Claudio: "I'm a bunny, and I lay chocolate eggs!"
Andy Buck: "I am a bunny, and my eggs are only white. Pardon me for keeping my bloodline pure."

Maestro pan L/R scene, inspired by "Easter"

"Does that mean I have to get in my crazy possessed car and smash my kitty?"

--Meridith Mae Roberts in a Bo$$ show, talking to her car mechanic (Lubu)

From the TITies on 2/16:

"iScream Sandwich perform the Harold, which is Chicago for 'boring improv'." --John Buseman

"500 years ago, when Jesus invented Texas…" --Brently Heilbron

Bitter Fest on Feb. 22:

"My friend's dad died last week, and all the sympathy cards had all these inspirational quotes on them, and I just wanted one that said 'FUCK!' And then you open it up and it says 'THAT SUCKS!'" --Sam Schak

"You're this strange effeminate little man. You look like Meg Ryan had a baby with Stephen Hawking." --Meredith Roberts, to Lubu

From Trust No One rehearsal, 2/27:

Chelley: "These seeds look remarkably familiar."
Jay: "It's corn."

Nicole (being escorted out of senator's office): "You haven't seen the last of me!"
Clint (aide, to senator): "You've seen the last of her."

Ceej: "The rain tastes like salad dressing. What does that mean?"

Maitland: "Oh no, honey, you don't want to shoot a gun. That's for conservatives."

Dialogue onstage between Justin Strackany and Kristen Kurtis at TIT TALKS:

Kristen: What was it like having and overcoming polio?

Justin: Well, having polio was worse.

I Love You So Much, March 1:

Andrew: "You're pretty cute, what's your story?"
Sam: "I'm the house mother."
Andrew: "More like an H-MILF!"

Merlin Works graduation show, 3/9:

(Pete plays a villain addressing James Bond)
"I'm not sure I should tell you about my plan…"
Aden: "New choice!"
"I'm going to tell you all about my plan!"

(Tatiana plays an entitled brat who's been sent to work on her aunt's farm)
Courtney: "You've only been hoeing for five minutes!"
Tatiana: "Oh I've been hoeing for a LOT longer than that."

Jon Bolden's Experimental Workshop at The Hideout 3/22

(Kathy Center is Ashley Siebels' mom and is making her sandwich for school.)

Kathy: "Mayo is the smell of love."

Ashley's reaction was priceless.

Mandinka in the Threefer:

Mia: Yes, daddy. I was having fun, I'm sorry.
Andrew: That's right you're sorry. You know what fun stands for: Forbidden...Unless Notified.

Duran & Johnson during rehearsal on 3/29:

"We're lost!"
"Lost people don't know where they are. We know where we are! We're in Alaska!"

Trust No One, April 4:

Andreas: "You're bleeding, but in a beautiful way."

Ceej: "That was a dwarf in a green outfit. Which I guess is the same as a Girl Scout."

(Ceej is getting his daughter to infiltrate a cookie factory.)
Ceej: "You could go as a Girl Scout!"
Alex: "I'd rather go as a Boy Scout, or haven't you noticed?"

Jay: "So this is elf headquarters, huh? I thought it'd be bigger."
Maitland: "Really?"

"Dead and gone are the same thing!"
--a seven year old boy in the April 13 Kenjutsu audience who wanted to make sure the cast understood after a passionate speech had been given

Trust No One, April 18:

(Andreas is playing the mayor, Tess a young reporter)
Andreas: This campaign is gonna be tough. This time I'm not running against an idiot.
Tess: Uh, you wanna be quoted on that?
<pause>
Andreas: Sure.

Andy: You're drunk, and you're spending time with a 16-year-old girl. You think that's a good idea?
Andreas: In combination? Probably not.

Luis: Let's just say it's quid pro quo. Everybody knows what that means.

Jay: You're just a janitor!
Luis: We're all janitors!
Nicole: I'm a public defender!
Jay: The janitor of the legal system!

Camp Madeuponaspotta, 4/18:

David Ronn: "I just want to be a camper, I don't want to be a prince!"
Patrick Creamer: "You'll be the camper formerly known as prince."