Things my Grandma used to say

Mike · Post by **Mike** » May 14th, 2010, 1:07 pm

"Don't ever be afraid of ghosts. It's the live sons-of-bitches you need to worry about."

"The closet monster ain't got shit on me."

"Never hit anybody...well unless you're hitting them 'back'"

"I raised your father, there's nothing you can do that I haven't seen before"

"There are times in this world where you just need to say, 'fuck it'."

"If everybody jumped off a bridge would you...forget it, you would. "

"You have two speeds: slow and dead."

Jessica · Post by **Jessica** » May 14th, 2010, 1:33 pm

"beauty is only skin deep."

"up and at 'em, Adam Ant!"

"home again, home again, jiggity jog."

"pretty is as pretty does."

"We're off! With the speed of frightened Tortoises."

"Do as I say, not as I do." (usually while lighting up a cigarette.)

"If all your friends jumped off a bridge would you do it too?"

"Question Authority, but not me."

"When going to a protest or march, always bring a wet wash cloth in a plastic bag so you can still breath when they start throwing tear gas."

"Fuck a Duck."

"Lord Love a Duck."

"She's a few bricks shy of a load."

"What? Were you raised in a barn." (Which I always thought was odd considering that my mom knew I was being raised in a house.)

"Don't be smart!" So painful for all the come backs you couldn't say because they would just get you into more trouble.

"Well, bless her heart." Meaning what a bitch.

Jeff · Post by **Jeff** » May 14th, 2010, 2:28 pm

My ones above were all my grandmother.
Here's Mom:

"Famous last words."

"It's colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra."

"I see... said the blind man to his deaf and dumb daughter."

(sarcastically) "God bless America and all the ships at sea."

(sarcastically) "Will wonders never cease."

"That hasn't happened since Christ was a Corporal."

Jeff · Post by **Jeff** » May 14th, 2010, 2:34 pm

And my father:

"Are you trying to air condition the World?"

Marc Majcher · Post by **Marc Majcher** » May 14th, 2010, 2:41 pm

Jeff wrote: "I see... said the blind man to his deaf and dumb daughter."

My dad used to say, "'I see,' said the blind man as he picked up his hammer and saw."

sara farr · Post by **sara farr** » May 14th, 2010, 3:18 pm

"You've got to kiss a lot of frogs before you find Prince Charming"

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger"

"Growing old ain't for sissies"

"A penny saved is a penny earned"

"He who dies with the most toys wins"

mpbrockman · Post by **mpbrockman** » May 14th, 2010, 3:52 pm

My dad on raising me: "My biggest mistake was letting him take piano lessons".

He still says this to anyone who will listen.

hujhax · Post by **hujhax** » May 14th, 2010, 4:16 pm

My sister relates these two from our grandmother:

"Street corner religion isn't religion at all."
"Honey, let men think they run the world."

--
peter rogers @ work | http://hujhax.livejournal.com

If you want to go quickly, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.
-- African proverb

mpbrockman · Post by **mpbrockman** » May 15th, 2010, 2:20 am

"Time flies whether you're having a good time or not".

mpbrockman · Post by **mpbrockman** » May 15th, 2010, 2:22 am

Jeff wrote:"It's colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra...."

..."doing pushups in the snow". -my grandfather

Jeff · Post by **Jeff** » May 15th, 2010, 2:29 am

mpbrockman wrote:
Jeff wrote:"It's colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra...."
..."doing pushups in the snow". -my grandfather

So the witch's tit, itself, while in a brass bra, is doing push-ups in the snow?

mpbrockman · Post by **mpbrockman** » May 15th, 2010, 2:32 am

Jeff wrote:
mpbrockman wrote:
Jeff wrote:"It's colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra...."
..."doing pushups in the snow". -my grandfather
So the witch's tit, itself, while in a brass bra, is doing push-ups in the snow?

Don't be silly, the bra does the pushing up.

mpbrockman · Post by **mpbrockman** » May 15th, 2010, 7:05 am

Granddad: Roosevelt will destroy this country within 50 years

Dad: Kennedy will destroy this country within 50 years

Me: Obama will destroy this...

Nope, I'm opting out of the cycle.

Also, similar to Jessica's but with my mom's flavor. "Don't get smart with me, you don't have what it takes."

York99 · Post by **York99** » May 15th, 2010, 9:47 am

mpbrockman wrote:Also, similar to Jessica's but with my mom's flavor. "Don't get smart with me, you don't have what it takes."

My favorite so far.

mcslionhair · Post by **mcslionhair** » May 15th, 2010, 10:46 am

To anyone standing in her way
"You make a good door, but a shitty window!"

To anyone making noise
"You got it or do you need a hammer?"