Best Show Lines 2010

[Rev. Jordan T. Maxwell]

"Waaaait a minute...you know you have to tell me if you're a cop, right, God?"

"Maybe it was a bad idea to invite every kid from every school in town to this party. I mean, I didn't even know half of those first graders!"

-both Stephen C. James, both from TuskeegeeXperiment. a bevy of quotable lines from all three, but those are the two that stuck most in my inebriated, dehydrated, emotionally and physically exhausted brain.

[James Snacker]

Loan officer (played by Mike Weiss): I understand you would like a loan. Do you mind if I ask what this loan is for?

Customer (played by Jessica Weiss, Mike's middle school-aged daughter): I don't think that's any of your business.

Loan officer: Ok. Well, what kind of loan are you interested in? 10 year? 15 year?

Customer: I want the money NOW.

Loan Officer: We're talking about re-payment.

Customer: Look, you give me money, I'll give it back to you later.


--from "Grandma Hates Technology" at OOB 9/2/2010

[Rev. Jordan T. Maxwell]

Mikey: "What are the dice?"
Ace: "The dice are thermonuclear weapons. Are you ready to roll the thermonuclear weapons?"

-Knuckleball Now, Ace explaining to newly appointed President Mikey how his job is like playing a life sized game of risk.

[JoshYellow]

In a southern accent

"Meatloaf doesn't look like meat, but then you open it up and...there it is"

-David Hess.
Elevator Action show.

[mpbrockman]

"You must have a mouth like a rubber suit"

-Kristin Firth, TheaterSportz Sept. 11

[Jon Bolden]

"THERE'S NO DOOR!!!!"

Andy Crouch and Jason Vines at the same time in their recently burnt down house, as Joe tries to enter the scene by knocking on a door off stage.

Theatresports, 9/11/10

[Justin D.]

Because so many of these lines lose some or all meaning without context, here's another one:

"Books, tell J-Bear to tongue me," said by Michael Thomas downstairs (not in the theater) at The Hideout last night.

[Roy Janik]

Here's the setup.

We were playing Family Dinner, where you play an audience member's family members during a dinner. You basically make wild guesses about what their family is like and they let you know if it's right or wrong.

This time we had Jenny up, an older lady (it was her birthday). Kareem was playing her ex-husband.

Kareem: I remarried!
Kareem: Twice!
Jenny: And they both dumped you, you son of a bitch!

funniest, most well timed button to a scene I've witnessed in a long time.

[HerrHerr]

Here's the setup.

We were playing Family Dinner, where you play an audience member's family members during a dinner. You basically make wild guesses about what their family is like and they let you know if it's right or wrong.

This time we had Jenny up, an older lady (it was her birthday). Kareem was playing her ex-husband.

Kareem: I remarried!
Kareem: Twice!
Jenny: And they both dumped you, you son of a bitch!

funniest, most well timed button to a scene I've witnessed in a long time.

Seconded. Kareem jumped out there with his offer and we were all rewarded with a blunt honest answer
straight out of life. Amazing...

[mpbrockman]

Playing "Hey waiter..."

Audience participant: "Hey waiter, there's a marionette in my soup."

Camille Seely: "Don't let your food control you."

CSz 9.24.10

[Pdyx]

Last night's Improvised Monopoly show had a few great lines, they included:

"I'm a wombat, and I'm allll wom..bat" - Jon Bolden

"I don't know, something in German..." - Jay Byrd (when responding to the question of what the German Club's motto was in a game of Yearbook Photo)

"You have no hair" - Avi
"Thanks to you." - Jason Vines

When the wombat is first discussed, Jason Vines says "I like that. One of you is a wombat. Go."

A lot of these require the context, but they were truly quite enjoyable.

[LisaJackson]

The Murphy Jam 9/19/2010

"I'm John Gielgud. Acting is broken." - Josh Gill

[Rev. Jordan T. Maxwell]

Hess: "Are you down with the Messiah?"
Ratliff: "I mean, I was raised Catholic..."
Hess: "Is that a Messiah one?"

-Glamping Trip in last night's Spectacle.

[Rev. Jordan T. Maxwell]

"My loins are baking for you."

-in the Shakespeare scene during Theatresports, 10/9/10

i forget who said it, but the line stuck with me. amazing.

[zyrain]

"So you're the one! Everytime I come in the moss is mussed". -- Roy Janick in Eris 2035