Help me fake my death so I can stay for always.

jillybee72 · Post by **jillybee72** » July 18th, 2010, 6:28 am

We have to make it really believable. Ideas?

Also ideas for post-fake-death disguises are also welcomed.

Matt · Post by **Matt** » July 18th, 2010, 11:04 am

Do *you* also need to believe you have died? Transforming Austin into Jill's version of the afterlife would be most excellent.

Brian Boyko · Post by **Brian Boyko** » July 18th, 2010, 3:42 pm

Matt wrote:Do *you* also need to believe you have died? Transforming Austin into Jill's version of the afterlife would be most excellent.

Why not just find a job in Austin and live there? No shenanigans needed.

jillybee72 · Post by **jillybee72** » July 18th, 2010, 7:04 pm

#1 I already have a job that takes me all over the nation.

#2 I promised to start a theater in Minneapolis.

#3 Faking your death is a super-fun premise, come on. COME ON!!!

valetoile · Post by **valetoile** » July 18th, 2010, 10:07 pm

really what you need to do is convince the world that there were actually two of you all along, that you had a double living your life as well. Which makes sense, because how else would you find time to do all those things? It was your double that promised to start the theater in minneapolis, of course. Then we just fake your double's death. So you can maintain the good things, and get rid of all the bothersome obligations that were all your double's doing.

alternate plan- extravagant kidnapping scandal. Patty Hearst meets Lindbergh baby.

LuBu McJohnson · Post by **LuBu McJohnson** » July 19th, 2010, 12:59 am

Step 1: Car Accident. Use Heiberg's car. Then he will receive insurance money. Bonus.

Step 2: Assume new, male identity of Bill Jernard. You can then relate a "Kung-Fu"-like story in which Jill Bernard taught Bill everything she knew just in case someone would need to carry on her work. You can then keep doing what you do and stay in Austin

Step 3: Insure that Minneapolis theater is named "Jill Bernard Memorial Badass Funtime Theater."

Also, Valerie's idea is workable, but one of the Bernard twins must be EVIL.

Rev. Jordan T. Maxwell · July 19th, 2010, 1:03 am

clearly, you need a body double...which makes me slightly nervous since you KIND OF look like my sister.

...excuse me, i need to make a phone call...

mpbrockman · Post by **mpbrockman** » July 19th, 2010, 1:10 am

First we need someone of your approximate size, age and bone structure that we don't care about very much...

valetoile · Post by **valetoile** » July 19th, 2010, 1:10 am

jill! why don't we just make a jill-bot to send to minneapolis?

mpbrockman · Post by **mpbrockman** » July 19th, 2010, 1:11 am

Oops, xpost with Jordan.

I guess we should leave her out of this then, eh?

mpbrockman · Post by **mpbrockman** » July 19th, 2010, 1:12 am

mpbrockman wrote:First we need someone of your approximate size, age and bone structure that we don't care about very much...

Oh, and some Rohypnol...

valetoile · Post by **valetoile** » July 19th, 2010, 1:13 am

or! or! we fake your death and then make a "robot" to take your place, but the "robot" can't operate in temperatures below 20* F. So it has to stay in Austin. But the robot is actually you!

And your fake death will be you being maimed by a robot, for max irony effect.

jillybee72 · Post by **jillybee72** » July 19th, 2010, 1:14 am

These
are
the
best
ideas
EVER!!!!

It is only a shame I have but one death to fake.

mpbrockman · Post by **mpbrockman** » July 19th, 2010, 1:16 am

valetoile wrote:or! or! we fake your death and then make a "robot" to take your place, but the "robot" can't operate in temperatures below 20* F. So it has to stay in Austin. But the robot is actually you!

And your fake death will be you being maimed by a robot, for max irony effect.

Wait. They used to send emphysemacs and such to warmer climes in order to effect cures!

Jill, you are very, very sick.

Another MPLS winter might very well tragically end your life.

mpbrockman · Post by **mpbrockman** » July 19th, 2010, 1:20 am

Butch,

We're very, very sorry to have to tell you this - but Jill choked on a breakfast taco.