Best show lines-2009

Aden · Post by **Aden** » August 23rd, 2009, 12:32 am

Final GGG Boys of Summer show 8/22

Kacey as an old, sexually charged woman who has been pushed to the ground accidentally:

"While I'm down here, can someone finger my asshole?"

arthursimone · Post by **arthursimone** » August 23rd, 2009, 3:52 am

Drew Wesley, Unfurled:
(as a telekinetic to a renaissance faire worker)
"You should be accustomed to wizards"

Munga · Post by **Munga** » August 23rd, 2009, 5:08 pm

Aden wrote:Final GGG Boys of Summer show 8/22

Kacey as an old, sexually charged woman who has been pushed to the ground accidentally:

"While I'm down here, can someone finger my asshole?"

In that same show, after Kacey kissed Owen, he exclaimed "My mouth tastes like cocoon".

Munga · Post by **Munga** » August 23rd, 2009, 5:18 pm

Some random show quotes I found while cleaning my apartment:

Troy Miller as a prison guard in Confidence Men 8/21/09. He was going to work in a white collar crime facility. "I'm going to bathe in the waters of Lawrence Correctional".

Curtis Luciani in Rise and Shine, 8/14/09 "Don't call me 'sir'. 'Sir' was my father's name".

Jeremy Lamb, angry and disbelieving, to Troy Miller in Junk, 8/14/09: "You drank my wife's breastmilk after fucking a librarian in my son's playpen, with my 6-month old son there. Nice!"

Troy's audience-given nickname in a recent "This Week Tonight": ChaChi Combover.

"This Week Tonight", 7/31/09. LuBu was asked his superhero name. "My name is Masterbating Zeus".

And these were from a jam a while ago. Not from a show, but still funny enough that I'll post them here:

Lindsey: "I was fucking the dairy man".
Howard: "I thought you were lactose intolerant".
Lindsey: "That's what I wanted you to believe. I am very tolerant of lactose".

Frank: "Jesus came to me in a dream and he was all dressed in shoestring potatoes".
Lorraine: "I am hungry for Jesus!"
Frank: "I'm so hungry I could eat a whole resurrection".

HerrHerr · Post by **HerrHerr** » August 23rd, 2009, 8:42 pm

"I feel like I'm being gang-raped by muppets."
--Dave Buckman with Rachel in the Threefer, August 20th

Dave was testing out a coffin made of velvet.

Hee-larry-us!

dirty baby · Post by **dirty baby** » August 23rd, 2009, 10:13 pm

"My wife left me ... [pause]

... the house [pause]

... when she died." - Jared Stepp, Escape Hatch (8/23/09)

smerlin · Post by **smerlin** » August 24th, 2009, 8:40 am

GGG's Wine Cellar, The Musical!

Owen and Megan were a married couple. Owen had lived a life of rushing through things, including opening the Immediate Winery, where the wine didn't have time to age or ferment (with some comedic consequences). At the end of the show, he's had a change of heart and willing to take his time with things. So he pours an empty glass to show Megan his new intentions, that he's willing to put in the time and effort to make things of value.

Owen: "Some people might see this glass as double half empty"

Megan: "Some people might see it as potentially full."

So sweet.

Meghan W · Post by **Meghan W** » August 24th, 2009, 9:30 am

HerrHerr wrote:"I feel like I'm being gang-raped by muppets."
--Dave Buckman with Rachel in the Threefer, August 20th

Dave was testing out a coffin made of velvet.

Hee-larry-us!

Yes! I laughed a long while at that one.

jose · Post by **jose** » August 25th, 2009, 1:30 am

Most of you didn't see this, but at DCM, Midnight Society was doing a monoscene set at an amusement park.

There were a lot of fun and contentious characters and as tensions continue to rise, Lance's character breaks out:

"Okay - who wants some Goofy Cones?"

The delivery and timing of it was great, and Lance and Midnight Society found some new fans!

Justin D. · Post by **Justin D.** » September 8th, 2009, 12:21 pm

If I saw four cops jaywalking and they looked at me, a clown, and one of them gave me the finger, I’d think it was funny. — Bob McNichol in The Frank Mills Show on Friday Night.

Also, this happened during karaoke on Sunday night of OoB, but it might be one of my favorite lines from the festival for the pure spontaneity of it. Vines was singing a song when he realized the lyrics were wrong. He said, "These aren't the lyrics to this song, so I'm gonna do what I whatever I wanna do", jumped on a table, put his crotch in front of Mike Ferstenfield's face, and said:

"I'm going to stick my dick in this Jew!"

I could not stop laughing the rest of the night at that.

Post by **bradisntclever** » September 8th, 2009, 12:56 pm

Perhaps not a candidate for best AIC line, but I was really floored by "You can't live for the dead, they gave up on living." It was a near immediate response to Cackowski by Rich Talarico, and something that stuck around with me ever since then.

Belinda · Post by **Belinda** » September 8th, 2009, 1:00 pm

"You have a pretty way of saying dirty things." Asaf during the Mamet/Start Trekkin' show. He made it sound so...dirty.

LuBu McJohnson · Post by **LuBu McJohnson** » September 8th, 2009, 3:45 pm

You don't have to nominate this one, I just want to record this as one of my favorite moments in improv, as it involved me being in sync with a complete stranger.

"Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!...........Shit!" - Lubu, as Nate, from 88Improv, in a 4-way Hell Dub

DollarBill · Post by **DollarBill** » September 10th, 2009, 12:46 am

After her gardener crashed through a window he was admiring her through... "Are you okay!?! That window is full of glass!"
-Beelerschmidt

Rev. Jordan T. Maxwell · September 18th, 2009, 6:32 pm

not to double up the Beeler noms...but this really was a team effort, so maybe that makes it okay. during the Available Cupholders show, in the climactic final battle between Kaci's hero cop and Bill's Turkish gang leader, Jeremy came up behind Kaci as Bill's henchman while Joplin came up behind Bill as Kaci's wounded partner, which then began a three way game of charades as Bill and Jeremy tried to communicate silently and Joplin tried to get instructions from Kaci and point out that Jeremy was behind her. this hilariously went on for several moments as everyone got more and more confused and the tension kept on building, until...

Kaci: JUST SHOOT HIM IN THE LEG!

at which point, simultaneously, Joplin shot Bill in the leg while a confused Bill shot his own henchman in the leg. maybe not the greatest line ever, but one of my all time favorite improv moments. the spontaneity and total groupthink that went into that still makes me smile.