I'm such a woman that I...

[Aden]

...have a pussy that tastes like sugar and spice and everything nice.

...crap brownies.

...just walk in the room and everybody gets an erection. EVERYBODY. That's right... I'm looking at your mom.

[Scratch]

... breastfeed my pitbull

... run my lawnmower off my hangover asparagus pee

... process in one hand and shit in the other

[sara farr]

I am such a woman that...

... I can knit a sweater, and fill it even better.
... I raise my tootsie in the throes of a passionate kiss.
... I feel EVERYTHING.

[Zach]

...have the ability to expel both blood and new life from the same hole.

A bunch of people from both sexes did that in Alien, big whoop.

[spantell]

... choose when I pms

... blew all the guys in my driver's training class

... can eat a four-course meal and upchuck it in a couple hours


... love to clean, especially toilets

... look like Britney Spears on a good day when I get up after a hard nights drinkin

... get pregnant by accident

[mpbrockman]

...am in the majority gender participating in the arts world, and in the minority gender represented in museums.
...am in the majority gender participating in the theater arts world, and in the minority gender in repertory companies.
...am a minority in the improv and comedy world.
...am not thought of as a threat.
...follow tradition even when I feel it may be wrong, because I don't want to make people uncomfortable.
...fear aging.
...cover my flaws as best I am able.
...settle, because it's the easiest thing to do.

Insightful and true all, but... way to bring the room down, Beeler.

[KathyRose]

...

Insightful and true all, but... way to bring the room down, Beeler.

"Truth" is relative. We each define the world in which we live.
I am such a woman that I ...
... do not let the judgments of others determine my sense of self-worth.
... like to be underestimated because of it's strategic advantage.
... behave like a Roman when in Rome, out of courtesy, unless it can harm myself or others.
... can comfortably sit in a wallow with pigs without becoming one of them.
... laugh a lot, in all sincerity.
... fear nothing - not ruin, not being a fool, not aging, not hardships, not death.
... correct my flaws when I can and want to, and accept the rest without self-reproach.
... rise to all occasions or go down trying.
... believe that acts of kindness are never wasted.
... believe that love is a gift we bestow on others, without any expectation of return.
... believe that hope is a powerful and essential delusion.
... believe that existence is far more wondrous than we will ever imagine.
... eschew anger, envy, deceit, fear, impatience, regret and resentment, because they are not worth the effort.
... let myself be happy, every day, because it's the easiest thing to do.
and that's my truth.

[TexasImprovMassacre]

...can't look at an animal without imagining it wearing a hat.

...my ovaries are located above my underies.

...eat my placenta after giving birth to replenish nutrients.

[scook]

...am always gettin' plastic surgery!

[kaci_beeler]

...am in the majority gender participating in the arts world, and in the minority gender represented in museums.
...am in the majority gender participating in the theater arts world, and in the minority gender in repertory companies.
...am a minority in the improv and comedy world.
...am not thought of as a threat.
...follow tradition even when I feel it may be wrong, because I don't want to make people uncomfortable.
...fear aging.
...cover my flaws as best I am able.
...settle, because it's the easiest thing to do.

Insightful and true all, but... way to bring the room down, Beeler.

Ah, well, if people are going to talk about blood and boobies...
It doesn't help that I've been studying art history for two years and have just now in Contemporary Art been able to truly talk about women artists. Even sadder is that the fact that most of their earlier work (60s and 70s) was like this thread - talking about domesticity, blood, bodies, and babies.
Sure, it's relevant. And we have to start somewhere, but then we evolve.

I evolved the thread into criticism and other people took it from there, as I thought they might. :)

[mpbrockman]

Ah, well, if people are going to talk about blood and boobies...

Well, jeez - look at the man thread. Dick jokes, fart jokes, violence et al. I'm not complaining, I just was taken aback by a serious post-modern feminist response.

Maybe I should take a cue from you and do a post on the difficulties of being a man trying constantly to balance traditional chivalry, the "sensitive guy" hangover, the true appreciation of the feminine and the randy, aggressive, testosterone-laden sailor fresh home from the sea we guys all carry around somewhere inside.

And you thought having a penis made everything easy.

[TexasImprovMassacre]

ha, of all the threads to turn into a discussion about equality i'm glad it was this one spawned by a series of dick jokes.

I think this thread started as somewhat of an evolved criticism in that we are having fun laughing at how ridiculous the stereotypes are. Being able to laugh at them should be proof that we've realized that they're nonsense. Regardless of whether or not they still exist elsewhere in the world, or did exist at one time...I don't think they're being perpetuated by the vast majority of the austin improv community...This all seemed pretty clearly to just be some good fun. While it may be relevant because we're talking about gender roles, sorry, but I don't really understand the need to complain to a bunch of people who are already open minded enough to consider you an equal.

[kaci_beeler]

While it may be relevant because we're talking about gender roles, sorry, but I don't really understand the need to complain to a bunch of people who are already open minded enough to consider you an equal.

I don't see it as complaining, I see it as part of a whole discussion. I know the premise was "post ironic or funny stereotype here", but I don't always feel like doing that. I get tired of jokes. Some times I have real things I feel like saying, things that I don't want to hide behind a stereotype or ironic joke.
And you know, I'm not even sure that everyone on these message boards knows or thinks about the things I've posted. Some of them are things I never thought of or knew until recently.

If someone can talk openly about pussies without fearing criticism, I should be able to point out the draw backs for women in the arts.
Or maybe I don't have to, because look,


Some ladies have already done it.

[kaci_beeler]

Maybe I should take a cue from you and do a post on the difficulties of being a man trying constantly to balance traditional chivalry, the "sensitive guy" hangover, the true appreciation of the feminine and the randy, aggressive, testosterone-laden sailor fresh home from the sea we guys all carry around somewhere inside.

Not a bad idea. :)

[Jeff]

Some times I have real things I feel like saying, things that I don't want to hide behind a stereotype or ironic joke.
...

But that message is certainly ironic, considering that...
There are many successful women artists (or, women who "work with the pressure of success")...
There are many women "in shows with men."
There are many women artists with fewer or more than 4 free-lance jobs.
There are many women who are confident their careers will pick up before they're 80 (and few, I think, who have some kind of pre-cognition about that, like "knowing [their] career might pick up after [they're] eighty.")
There are many women artists whose work is not labeled feminine-- at least, or especially, not every time.
...
There are many women artists who don't choke on big cigars.

I'm not saying those aren't valid issues, I'm just saying they're obviously worded so ironically that they're not accurate. I suppose my main complaint with the message itself is that, despite that it's ironic, it seems to sacrifice humor for some kind of bitterness. Or maybe my sexism reads bitterness that isn't there, and if that's true, then I feel somewhat ashamed of myself, and that's no fun, either. So, bleh.

Then again, if this piece is strictly about painters, then I really don't know what I'm talking about, because I'm pretty ignorant of that segment of the art world.