Cola Sisters Classes

[ColaSisters]

Hey, since all y'all seem to be educatin' one another in various ways, we figured we'd throw our hats in the ring. We have a variety of skills and knowledge we'd be happy to share with the right people for the right $. Tailored to y'all's individual needs! Guaranteed (for what that's worth)! If y'all are interested, send us an email at colasisters at gee mail dot com

[ColaSisters]

There's lots of looky-loos but no biters yet. Maybe y'all thought we was kiddin', but we ain't! Let us spell it out for y'all in a little more detail:

Arcie knows how to cook real good. If any of y'all don't, then she's willing to teach you how. You pick what you want to learn, and Arcie will take your little hand and show you step by step how to make that cake or pie or whatever. $15/hr, two hour minimum. Her place or yours (so long as it's reasonably clean). She'll even buy the ingredients! What a deal!

Shasta is good at waxin' poles. If you need a spit shine job, then she's your woman. Prices depend on the number of poles to be waxed and the condition of said poles.

Arcie and Shasta are in shape for the End Times, and you can be too, with their personal training services. $25/hr. Discounts if you get a group together! It's cheaper than joinin' a gym.

Are you worried you ain't funny enough? Well stop it 'cause with The Cola Sisters How To Be Funny Lessons you can have 'em eatin' out of your hand! We'll tell you what you're doin' that ain't funny and show you how to turn that tired old joke into a gut buster. $10/hr plus the cost of drinks. Cheaper than all them classes y'all can take around town (and a whole lot funnier).

What are y'all waitin' for? Sign up today! colasisters at gee male dot con, uh, com

[AwesomePie]

The Cola Sisters make me so HOT!!!

[ColaSisters]

We got so much knowledge to share with the world! It's a cryin' shame. One day we might be rich and famous and then y'all will think, "Damn, I really should have taken that class with the Cola Sisters when it didn't cost $500 plus meals, accommodations, and travel to Mexico."

I know some of y'all are thinkin', "What can these dumb broads possibly teach me that I don't already know and just who do they think they are anyway? They ain't got no degree or written no books or nothin' like that." Well, all I can say to that is: we're on TV!!!

[Jeff]

Hey Cola Sisters,

As an interested "lookie-loo," I'm still unclear about the services you're offering. Your marketing strategy comes across to me like, "Yeah well, okay, lessee here, how about we teach you uh... I dunno, you wanna learn to cook or something?"

I love y'all's show, and I'd be more compelled to take a workshop from you guys if it seemed like you had a more well-thought-out game plan. Hit us up with a class idea of your own that we can't resist!

Yours,
Jeff

[ColaSisters]

What: Private Cooking Classes
Who: Taught by TV Chef, Arcie Cola
When: By appointment
Where: Her kitchen or yours
How Much: Two hours for $30, extra time negotiable
Description: Tell Arcie what you want to cook, and she will gather the ingredients and teach you how to do it. When the session is over, you will have a yummy treat and a solid recipe to repeat at your leisure.

What: Private Pole Waxing Classes
Who: Taught by professional pole waxer, Shasta Cola
When: By appointment
Where: Wherever the poles are
How Much: Negotiable
Description: Get that pole waxed, shiny, and finger-print free! Shasta shows you all the secrets of the trade, with tips on the best techniques for stubborn poles and recommendations on the best wax for specific jobs.

What: Fitness Training with the Toning for the Tribulations system
Who: Taught by TV Personalities Arcie and Shasta Cola
When: By appointment
Where: Your favorite place to get sweaty
How Much: $25 per hour, ask about group rates
Description: Get in fantastic shape for the End Times with The Cola Sisters' series of practical and unique exercises. The system combines cardio, free weights, stretching, and fun to get that body ready for whatever the future brings. Tips on proper nutrition and stress reduction included.

What: How to be Funny Coaching
Who: Taught by the hilarious Arcie and Shasta Cola
When: By appointment
Where: Wherever you feel relaxed, preferably with access to a full bar
How Much: $10 per hour plus the cost of drinks
Description: If you are still battling those demons named 'insecurity' and 'trying too hard', this is the class for you! Let the Cola Sisters guide you toward to path of slaying them every time. The sisters will give you an honest evaluation of your first impression and personal vibe, and then offer tips and suggestions for minimizing those quirks and traits that get in the way of other people seeing how hysterically funny you are. Whatever your worries, Arcie and Shasta will address them with honesty, integrity, and their trademark wit. (Note: if you are completely lacking a sense of humor, this class is not for you)

What: Make me a Hottie for less Money!
Who: Taught by style mavens Arcie and Shasta Cola
When: By appointment
Where: Your place
How Much: $50 for four hours, plus the cost of any products
Description: Look your best or change your look for next to nothing! The Cola Sisters will show you how to work with what you've got and supplement with bargain items to create a brand new you. The session begins with an evaluation of your wardrobe and current style (or lack thereof), a discussion of what kind of look you're going for, and tips and techniques for achieving and maintaining the ultimate personal style. A trip to the local thrift or discount store will be included for those lacking essential items.

For information or to sign up email colasisters at gmail dot com

[Jeff]

What: How to be Funny Coaching
Who: Taught by the hilarious Arcie and Shasta Cola
When: By appointment
Where: Wherever you feel relaxed, preferably with access to a full bar
How Much: $10 per hour plus the cost of drinks
Description: If you are still battling those demons named 'insecurity' and 'trying too hard', this is the class for you! Let the Cola Sisters guide you toward to path of slaying them every time. The sisters will give you an honest evaluation of your first impression and personal vibe, and then offer tips and suggestions for minimizing those quirks and traits that get in the way of other people seeing how hysterically funny you are. Whatever your worries, Arcie and Shasta will address them with honesty, integrity, and their trademark wit. (Note: if you are completely lacking a sense of humor, this class is not for you)

For information or to sign up email colasisters at gmail dot com

So, if I wanted you guys to teach me to be funny for two hours, it would cost $20 plus whatever Arcie and Shasta both order to drink in those 2 hours? Would you be coaching my funnyness at a booth in a bar? How does that work?

[ColaSisters]

Think of this as a private, one-on-two, therapy workshop with highly experienced and knowledgeable guides. It's all about makin' you feel relaxed enough to get at the root of whatever is messin' with your funny. If you ain't comfortable where alcohol is bein' served we can meet someplace else, but there's a reason most comedy clubs serve alcohol, darlin'! Also, the first minute is free so you ain't got nothin' to lose except for a minute of your time. If you want some kind of tangible evidence you participated, then we can make you a certificate or somethin'. The best part is you can keep comin' back for refresher courses, like with Scientology, 'cept we ain't gonna hound you to take more classes 'cause we ain't got that kinda time.

[ColaSisters]

Bump, for the good of all mankind.