Fake Gossip!

valetoile · Post by **valetoile** » April 16th, 2006, 6:05 pm

andrea wrote:
oh and val made out with 7/16 of coldtowne in the bathroom of a certain roller rink.

I heard she'll make out with 7/16 of anyone.

beardedlamb · Post by **beardedlamb** » April 16th, 2006, 6:30 pm

hey, you can make out with just below my half, too.

Brian Boyko · Post by **Brian Boyko** » April 16th, 2006, 7:04 pm

Technically, Brian Boyko is legally defined in Article I, Section 2, Clause 3 of the Constitution as the other 9/16ths of a person.

Brian Boyko · Post by **Brian Boyko** » April 16th, 2006, 7:20 pm

"Jay Bernardo" is Cantonese for "Retractable Chopstick."

taminelson · Post by **taminelson** » April 16th, 2006, 7:29 pm

jay bernardo tried to kiss me last night on the cat walk.

Brian Boyko · Post by **Brian Boyko** » April 16th, 2006, 8:27 pm

An overwhelming percentage of America's children are alarmingly underage.

Mike · Post by **Mike** » April 16th, 2006, 10:07 pm

fbillac wrote:So Beeler is Chuck Norris?!?

-Dav

Yes, thanks to huge improvements in cloning technology, Kaci Beeler is actually a disguised clone of Chuck Norris. She is here to protect Austin from any terrorist activities.

Wesley · Post by **Wesley** » April 17th, 2006, 1:10 am

She joined Parallelogramophonograph because 1 of the remaining 5 members is a terrorist. They just don't know it because they were kidnapped by the Chinese government and programmed in secret. Someday, though, the "suggestion" given will be the activation code word and if Beeler isn't there...well, you don't want to know.

Also, people call er her Beeler because of her military background. She's not used to be called by her first name and, in fact, may not answer to it.

valetoile · Post by **valetoile** » April 17th, 2006, 1:17 am

That's why she signs it so crudely, in fact. She may write "Kaci" with a backwards c and a heart dotting the i, but she writes "Beeler" with the confidence and precision of an assasin on a rooftop.

valetoile · Post by **valetoile** » April 17th, 2006, 1:18 am

This just in:

Erika May and Bob McNichol are secretly engaged.

Brian Boyko · Post by **Brian Boyko** » April 17th, 2006, 5:26 am

You, Me, and Greg are timetravellers from the future sent to try to prevent another improviser in the troupe from breeding and unleashing the next Hitler on the world.

Erica May has been blind since birth but paints the most beautiful pictures of seagulls. She says they're pictures of God.

For a time in the 1990s, Chris Trew lived behind a trap door in the sporting goods section of a Wal-Mart in South Dakota. If you asked him for a lemon, he would accurately predict your future.

Mike is often seen observing a spot where an exceptional tragic car accident will happen. He stands on the sidewalk for hours watching the street, smoking a cigarette and checking his antique pocket watch from time to time, then a moment after he leaves, cars come crashing into each other and people die.

Every single member of Girls Girls Girls has a glass eye. The same glass eye.

The interstate highway system was actually laid out as a giant magical glyph to enable the summoning of a demonic legion of Nadines in the event of a Soviet Attack.

Aliens from Proxima Centuri have been living among improv troupes among us now for years, but lately they've all started to make plans to leave...

(with apologies to John Tynes)

phlounderphil · Post by **phlounderphil** » April 17th, 2006, 6:24 am

Briany Boyko may have just written one of the funniest posts I've ever seen on the forum.

"She calls them pictures of God" how fucking beautiful man.

I'm chuckling so hard right now, only chuckling though...

P.S. As for my fake gossip, Jenn Cargill used to be a roadie for Satan, back when he was actually a badass and all into the metal scene.

DollarBill · Post by **DollarBill** » April 17th, 2006, 9:05 am

Brian Boyko is actually the WB's best writer. He writes lists of fake gossip and they use each made up factoid as a premise for a show.

Wesley · Post by **Wesley** » April 17th, 2006, 9:52 am

None of my material is pre-written!
--WB

Also, DollarBill is wanted in 17 states due to his predilection for breaking arcane and obscure laws. For example, while on tour he has:
--Played dominoes on Sunday in Alabama
--Fed alcohol to a moose in Fairbanks, Alaska
--Went fishing in his pajamas in Chicago
--Used a lasso to catch a fish in Tennessee
--and failed to provide his "victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and explain to the nature of the crime about to be committed" before illegally milking another man's cow in Texas.

I emplore you, if you see this man, do NOT tell him that it is illegal to deny the existance of God or to whistle underwater in Vermont because he may attempt to go there and do these things.

Jill Morris · Post by **Jill Morris** » April 17th, 2006, 11:26 am

I heard that Valerie stole my idea to start a gossip section.

I heard there's a Ladies of the AIC slumberparty in the works.

I heard that Sara Farr once slapped her cable guy for getting "fresh" with her.

I heard that when Tammi Nelson was growing up, she wanted to be a professional con artist.

I heard that Kareem steals day-old pastries from The Hideout dumpster.

I heard that Chris Allen is too busy to post on this forum topic.

I heard that Andrea Young will set Trudy's on fire after she has a few too many delicious strawberry margaritas.

I heard Andy Crouch refuses to ride the giant sombrero at Fiesta Texas, under ANY circumstances. And, no, he doesn't want to talk about it.

I heard Michael Jastroch has a crippling phobia of kites, specifically ones with lovable Disney characters on them.

I heard Andy P has actually forgotten what his full last name is.

I heard Ted Rutherford and Troy Miller despise the "Internet."

I heard the real reason Chris Trew hates cigarettes is because they make him look too cool.

I heard Arthur Simone is going to win the O'Henry Pun-Off.

I heard Roy and Kaci are going to be slightly irritated that I grouped them together simply because I was feeling lazy.