Best Show Lines 2013

[Brad Hawkins]

"I've completely forgotten how I act!"
- Curtis Luciani, just after entering as Al Jolson, The Amazon and the Milksop, August 28

[happywaffle]

*Kaci and Curtis have wakened, hung over, in a bathroom; Kaci has established that the toilet is theirs*

Curtis: "Whose bathroom is this?"
Kaci: "This isn't our bathroom?"
Curtis, without missing a beat: "No, but it is our toilet."

[Anthony]

"Like the hand of god reached down, rubbed you on the belly and said, "Hola, senor." - Roy, Pgraph's French Farce 8/30/13

[Rev. Jordan T. Maxwell]

from the OOB Confidence Men show...

Ceej (watching a comet pass): "I just want to embrace it, even though I might get incinerated."
Tom: "Is that what a woman's like?"
Ceej: "Yes."

Jeff (final line): "Any of you cocksuckers want to die with me?"

(I think I had like three or four Asaf lines stored in my head, but they all seem to have forced each other out...so I may update this later when I remember them. )

[Jon Bolden]

Disclaimer: I am going to butcher what the actual gibberish was. Let me know if you remember it more clearly.

Braised in Texas at OoB - Hideout Downstairs

Jericho is on a panel of BBQ contestants that are answering questions from the host and the audience. The question is "what makes the best rub". Jericho begins his answer

Jericho: Well there's a particular brand ...

He is interrupted by the loud babbling of a toddler in the front row who says "nano poof foo"
(immediately)
Jericho: It's called Nano Poof Foo...

The child was so loud and Jericho's immediacy made it so hilarious. I laughed for several minutes straight.

[hujhax]

He is interrupted by the loud babbling of a toddler in the front row who says "nano poof foo"
(immediately)
Jericho: It's called Nano Poof Foo...

IIRC, that was Mitch Baker's daughter.



--
peter rogers @ home | http://hujhax.livejournal.com

The true mystery of the world is the visible, not the invisible.
-- Oscar Wilde

[Jon Bolden]

"Quit cockblocking Neptune!" - Kareem as Neptune, god of the sea

Roy and Valerie on the phone exchanging different ways of saying goodbye
"toodle-loo!"
"Farewell"
"au revoir"
"auf Wiedersehen"
(long pause)
Val: "Auschwitz!"

PGraph, Chairs format 9/7/13

[happywaffle]

Merlin Works Mixer, Tim Stiefler playing a hair stylist:

"I'm gonna give you the haircut of your life."
"I was thinking Gwyneth Paltrow."
"Do you want Sliding Doors when she DOES make the door, or when she DOESN'T make the door?"

[barrettphelan]

"Who's ever heard of a post-apocalyptic dentist?" Shannon McCormick as a desert warrior who's teeth have been replaced with metal after eating a rock to prove his allegiance to his evil clan.

[happywaffle]

Also from Shana:

"They made me take my mum… and smoosh her. …All the way down."

[Asaf]

"When you've no job and I've no girlfriend, you want to have lunch?" - Andrew Johnston, A Play & A Movie & A Play/Movie

[Lukew]

Context: Austin Secret Oct 5th--The scene was where Alex Dobrenko's character heard something in the other room and asked his wife (played by Lisa Jackson) to check it out. She responded with: "Oh...I'm knee-deep in epsom salts!"

[happywaffle]

"How's your wife?"
"She's pregnant!"
"How's your mistress?"
"She's pregnant too! That's twins, in my book!"

--Ryan Austin (with Drew Wolber), Free Fringe, Oct 3

[Ryan Austin]

Alex Dobrenko and Courtney Hopkin in The Spectacle Oct. 4th.

A: "Say, what's your name?"
C: "Jerry."
A: "No way! That's my name too!"
C: "Really? That's weird."
A: "It is, but it's also true and now we have to deal with it."

[Ryan Austin]

Roy as a trucker who finished ALL of Kaci's sentences:

K: That's funny, because earlier I was in a car wreck--
R: --And now I have a metal spine! Watch this!

It killed me in the best way.

PGraph Spectacle, Oct. 4th.