Spaztique returns...

[Spaztique]

Haven't been on in ages, so allow myself to reintroduce... myself...

I am David Z., aka Spaztique. I entered the improv community back in 2007 when I was horribly, horribly depressed. As a result, I alienated a lot of people, got kicked out of a few troupes or watched them dissolve in time. I turned to tech and, with the mentorship of Sara Farr and Jason Vines, turned it into artform that lifted many Maestros to cinematic heights. The Austin American Statesman has praised both Neal Tibrewala and I for our work on Spirited, where I did improvised music, sound effects, and live scoring at the exact same time.

However, I was still socially dead, and a sad truth I've realized is that it's not how much you know or how good you are at it, but <i>who</i> you know. Life is a popularity contest, sadly, and I didn't want it to be that. I thought having great tech skills was enough to get by in the AIC, but no: I was being passed over for more social techs, even if they lacked the skills and gusto that I had, because at least people <i>knew</i> them. Most people could agree, "Spaztique is an innovative tech guy," but little-to-none could agree that I was warm, open, or friendly.

Around last year, I began getting involved in an online animation community where I helped admin, counsel, and talk to tons of people of all ages on a daily basis. Thinking it was more worth my time to hop into a community where I knew I was accepted, I began spending less and less time in the AIC until I flat-out just gave up during last year's Wafflefest, thinking I wouldn't be back until 2016. In the time I was gone, I have been teaching a huge number of kids that one's reputation is not fixed, just as long as they don't keep acting the same way over and over again, and that if they truly have good character, people will realize that in time. I've also had some falling-outs with people, but fixed them through just being myself: a nice, calm, friendly guy.

Even though I still have a lot to learn, I am thinking of making my return to the AIC, but you'll be seeing a totally different Spaztique. The Spaztique who took the haitus will not be coming back: he was too shy for his own good, didn't grow quite as fast as he could have, and needed more social experience. Well, he's no longer shy, he's growing at an exponential rate, and he has enough social experience to be the life of the party.

Sadly, I know many of you have this "People never change" philosophy, but 2007 Spaztique was different from 2011 Spaztique, and 2011 Spaztique is even more different than 2011 Spaztique. I will find it interesting when I start making tons of friends with the newer members, and all of the older members are puzzled as to why people would like a depressed, selfish, socially-retarded emo. I also know many people don't believe it when somebody claims they've "changed," and I've seen it many times before: the person claiming they changed only says it to appease others, rather than for personal satisfaction, but I have witnesses, I have different behaviors, and I have things I won't even consider anymore (just as depression has been thrown out of my vocabulary, so has jealousy, tiredness, and many others).

And now, I look forward to meeting all of the new members as well as reunite with some of the older ones that aren't scoffing at this post. To the ones that are reading this post and thinking, "Sure, Spaz: believe what you want," you're in for a big surprise.

[Jon Bolden]

David, I've always thought you were a nice, friendly, and hard-working guy (And a badass technical improviser). To me, you've always said harsher things about yourself in the past than anyone else speaking about you. I think your perspective may be skewed because of your state-of-mind at the time.

People really appreciate your time and hardwork. Be kind to yourself and welcome back! I'm glad to hear you seem to have come to some realizations.

[Rev. Jordan T. Maxwell]

welcome back, Z! though I have to wonder about these strawmen you seem to have constructed who oppose your reentry into the community. no need to assign and condemn reactions to anyone before they've even occurred, yeah? if you have specific people in mind...well, if the theme here is second chances, maybe that cuts both ways. either way, on behalf of THIS Austin old timer, i'm glad to have you back and happy to hear you've been doing so well during your well earned sabbatical.

[valetoile]

Yay! I'm so glad you're back. Definitely the best tech improvisor in town, hands down, and an awesome guy to boot. Everyone is changing, always, and becoming someone different. But I like to believe the best parts stay there and grow bigger. You have a lot of great parts. I especially love seeing your face light up with delight when something truly wonderful happens in the moment, whether it's something you're watching from the audience or something you're discovering on stage. Welcome back!

[lizardcatking]

I was impressed by your changes prior to your disappearance. You definitely inspired my tech'ing. Kudos for introspecting and improving. I think we should all strive to do the same and I know I do try (though maybe at a more glacial scale).

Todd

[zyrain]

Let's do a Maestro soon. I've really missed ya.

[JenP]

Hi, David!

It was good to see you this morning. I look forward to seeing you around the Hideout again.

[Ryan Hill]

I was surprised and pleased to see you back as well.

[happywaffle]

I'm glad you're back as well. Your tech work is top-notch.

Like Jordan, I'm not a fan of these hypothetical straw men who you're in battle with. It feels antagonistic (even a little vindictive) for you to imagine a scenario where "older improvisers" (I'm one of those) are "puzzled" by your ability to make friends, based on prior judgment of you. I would never be surprised that somebody could make friends; in this community the alternative is more surprising.

So while I'm not scoffing at your post, I do encourage you to focus on the positive opportunities at coming back, and don't spend time imagining how you're going to show off your new-and-improved self to others who don't respect you. I don't know how many of those people even exist, but I'm sure it's not very many. I'd rather have you look forward to making friends with absolutely everyone, old and new alike.

None of this is to take away from welcoming you back, and congratulating you on making personal changes. Just pointing out a theme in your post that seems negatively oriented.

[Spots]

David, I'll be honest. I was aware of your reputation before I met you.


My memory is hazy but my first impression was someone telling me you were a controlling guy who once tried to start a writing group or something. I might have been told to avoid this writing group because of this or that. Again.. hazy.

Now... realize I have my own life and recalling that took my brain maybe 3 minutes of searching. Before searching I had ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA you had any reputation.

But I did have this memory of someone saying "oh that guy."

Because you opened the discussion so frankly I feel like blowing smoke up your butt isn't the way to approach this situation. For me personally, I've noted that you skew more to the left brain "focus on the component rather than the whole" side of things. Your passion of individual songs, or quotes, or details. This does manifest in conversations where you might not have realized I didn't know what you were talking about or perhaps wasn't as enthusiastic. And then you continue to talk more and more specifics as I showed more and more signs of helplessness.


But socially, at least on the internet, I'm an asshole. I'm a neurotic guy so obsessed with death that I overanalyze everything and say way more than ANYONE cares to know or think about. Look down at how much you have to scroll to read this. My life is a race to the clock with my own fear of oblivion. Uncertainty frightens the shit out of me. Furthermore I'm so self critical that I extend my greatest fears, expectations, and anxieties onto those around me. I project shit onto people I love. And most of the time -- I'm wrong. I'm also delusional as fuck and get the wrong impression of people based on a single experience.

So my impression of you is worthless. It has ZERO effect on your life. I will never be a gatekeeper to your success or happiness. The same with any ONE person reading this.


Your talent and passion carries alot of respect. Don't throw in the towel just yet.


Most people are too caught up in their own shit. That's really the extent of anything you feel antogonized by. Nobody is actively picking someone over you every time. They are not actively NOT picking you. It's simple social dynamics where people hang out and become inspired BY each other. An example would be a silly idea two people come up with in a bar and then suddenly they develop it into something more serious . Oddly that's how many collaborations occur.


It's about connectivity. Perhaps you are right in that regard. And maybe you are even more correct when herd behavior factors in. People look to others to see how to behave. There's an added risk talking to THIS dude. There's an added reward talking to THAT girl.

Most of my frustration on this forum comes from this trend. Newer people not taking a chance when fun shit is happening right down the street. Being overly susceptible to rumors.


So I can relate with you, sure. But 100 percent I agree with Kevin that jumping in like this and calling anyone out is going to be a big shock. It's less inclusive than I think you are going for.


It's excluding us all ... practically.


Love you dude, from the few times we've hung out. Glad you have a presence again. Just take it one step at a time and don't feel the need to ever make your presence here "official" or "final" etc. I secretly quit the AIC once by emailing 4 people I respected alot. I made it "official". I admit now that this whole ceremony was silly. People are all different and just simply have their own lives and their own take on things. They empathize and forgive and have their own passions. They are unique.


So lumping everyone together is a mistake. It's a mistake I sometimes make when I sense a herd mentality. But I've found that people cannot be lumped together. Publicly people may all turn a cold shoulder on you. But your relationships in private become more enriching. Don't pass up that opportunity.


I love the fact that you are trying. Doesn't even matter what you are trying. I just LOVE people who are in fact... trying. Consider me a new person. I'd love for you to mentor me one day on tech or animation. Keep an open mind on that.


<3 the asshole who always stirs up shit