In dire need of a relationship mentor.

[Spaztique]

As most of you know, I have about as much knowledge about human relationships as you all have about black holes, frequency distribution, and postmodern metaphysics. If you know a lot about human beings and how they work, I have a way you can earn extra cash.

The sad thing is that I am not autistic: I've been tested for it multiple times, and I keep ending up as "normal". At this point, I'm beginning to suspect I'm "inches from the line" so-to-speak: too sensible to end up on the spectrum, but too helpless to function in society.

Additional information to give you an idea of just how socially inept I am and how much I need this help: From elementary school to middle school, I spent more time in timeout and detention than getting to know my classmates, and I was rarely able to get on the playground, and even when I did, I was universally considered awkward. In high school, I decided a social life wasn't worth it and I just decided to focus all my time on my studies. This came to bite me in the ass when I saw my brother and sister move on in life while I was stuck in the same place for years and years (culminating in a nervous breakdown some of you may have witnessed back in 2007). I had since recovered, but not because my problems were fixed: I just plain stopped caring. I thought I could get by without social skills, but then I ended up getting used by a girl for two years since she claimed to be my girlfriend (despite never even holding my hand) and I lost a full-time job when I did not socialize with the rest of my co-workers (I was too busy working).

In a nutshell: I grew up thinking, "Socializing is more trouble than its worth." For I while, I thought, "Who needs social skills?" Then I realized, "Holy shit, I'm screwed without this." For a while, I thought, "I guess I can make it without social skills." Now I know, "I can't."

But here's the thing: I cannot find a suitable therapist who can take me. Like I said, I'm not autistic (enough, at least), so I can't get any official therapy, but I don't know a thing about how people work. What I am proposing is I would like to meet with somebody who can teach me how human beings work.

I am willing to pay up to ten to twenty dollars per meeting if I have to, and since it will probably be years before I even figure out how body language works, this can be a lucrative source of side cash.

[Tim Traini]

Socializing is always always always going to be dumb and weird and awkward. We're always going almost every moment not knowing what the fuck we're doing until we blow a chance to find out.

If you haven't found the right therapist, I'd say keep looking. You don't need to have a diagnosed problem to go to therapy, I sure didn't need a certificate of health saying I was an alcoholic to walk into an office and make an appointment, and I wasn't looked down on any for not having one. I know it's easy to feel like you have to rely on those around you when professional help doesn't do what you want it to but I don't think anyone here is qualified to do the job well. And there's a lot of people out there with open schedules waiting for people like you to contact them. The notion that all therapy is the same is bunk, if you don't like a therapist they won't begrudge you for not feeling comfortable and wanting to see someone else who does make you feel comfortable.

edit: Not to mention the brain is diverse enough that just because you don't have a diagnosed condition doesn't mean you aren't feeling the same problems or aren't going through the same issues. You got the hard part of asking for help out of the way and that's progress in and of itself.

[beardedlamb]

going to therapy is a completely normal and healthy thing for anyone to do, regardless of what it says on a paper about them.
agreed that if you havent found the right person, keep looking. if cost is an issue, hit the internet and see if there are services for folks like yourself who dont have a diagnosis but need help.
i will say that being around you as sporadically as i have for the past few years i have seen a major improvement in your interactions with others and with me. being social takes practice and not everyone is as adaptable as everyone else. i think you've found a welcoming crowd of people in the austin improv scene. my guess is that your perception of who considers you a friend is different than the reality of it. sometimes its hard to see the whole picture from just your own perspective. friendships are two sided affairs just like any relationship and the more open and honest you are with your friends, the better off you'll be.
everyone is confused and scared of everyone else. some people are better at hiding it than others. you're awesome, dude. you slay it at OOB every year. keep on truckin.

[mpbrockman]

Oops - double post

[mpbrockman]

Have you ever been tested for Asperger Syndrome?

[Jastroch]

going to therapy is a completely normal and healthy thing for anyone to do, regardless of what it says on a paper about them.
agreed that if you havent found the right person, keep looking. if cost is an issue, hit the internet and see if there are services for folks like yourself who dont have a diagnosis but need help.
i will say that being around you as sporadically as i have for the past few years i have seen a major improvement in your interactions with others and with me. being social takes practice and not everyone is as adaptable as everyone else. i think you've found a welcoming crowd of people in the austin improv scene. my guess is that your perception of who considers you a friend is different than the reality of it. sometimes its hard to see the whole picture from just your own perspective. friendships are two sided affairs just like any relationship and the more open and honest you are with your friends, the better off you'll be.
everyone is confused and scared of everyone else. some people are better at hiding it than others. you're awesome, dude. you slay it at OOB every year. keep on truckin.

Ditto what Jeremy said.

[Brad Hawkins]

David, I want to commend you for such an honest and probably really difficult post. Rest assured you're not alone -- I, and probably many others in the community (to say nothing of society in general) have experienced, to varying degrees, the same kind of difficulty adjusting to society and its expectations. Therapy DOES help... I can only echo the sentiments of those who say keep trying to find a good therapist. I wish I could recommend one, but the only one I've had in Austin became too fixated with one of my issues and I didn't feel he really addressed any of the others. But I still feel there's value in therapy, and would like to go back if I can find another doctor. There are good ones out there.

[Spaztique]

Have you ever been tested for Asperger Syndrome?

Yes, and I'm not Asperger-y (if that's a word) enough. It's like being a guy who has only enough muscle control below his neck to wiggle his toes or fingers, yet is too strong to be considered a quadriplegic.

And to give you guys a better idea of just how disconnected I am, I was not expecting this strong of a reaction, and my only thought is to thank everyone for their concern.

[dirty baby]

going to therapy is a completely normal and healthy thing for anyone to do, regardless of what it says on a paper about them.
agreed that if you havent found the right person, keep looking. if cost is an issue, hit the internet and see if there are services for folks like yourself who dont have a diagnosis but need help.
i will say that being around you as sporadically as i have for the past few years i have seen a major improvement in your interactions with others and with me. being social takes practice and not everyone is as adaptable as everyone else. i think you've found a welcoming crowd of people in the austin improv scene. my guess is that your perception of who considers you a friend is different than the reality of it. sometimes its hard to see the whole picture from just your own perspective. friendships are two sided affairs just like any relationship and the more open and honest you are with your friends, the better off you'll be.
everyone is confused and scared of everyone else. some people are better at hiding it than others. you're awesome, dude. you slay it at OOB every year. keep on truckin.

Ditto what Jeremy said.

Ditto what Jastroch said about what Jeremy said.

[mpbrockman]

Have you ever been tested for Asperger Syndrome?

Yes, and I'm not Asperger-y (if that's a word) enough. It's like being a guy who has only enough muscle control below his neck to wiggle his toes or fingers, yet is too strong to be considered a quadriplegic.

And to give you guys a better idea of just how disconnected I am, I was not expecting this strong of a reaction, and my only thought is to thank everyone for their concern.

Hmmm... it just sounds so similar to the experience you describe, and I know it often goes un-(or mis-)diagnosed for years for many people.

And yes, now that you've said it, "Asperger-y" is a word. Coming soon to a crossword near you.

[Ruby W.]

Hey! Let's hang out and play board games at the Hideout before shows on Saturday! There's nothing I enjoy more than games and conversation.

Ruby

[Rev. Jordan T. Maxwell]

the biggest and bravest step is always admitting there's a problem to be addressed, so kudos on your courage, man. and while you might not be able to get official therapy for any kind of autistic condition, you can still get therapy. if it's an insurance thing (you don't have a diagnosed "condition" so they won't cover it or some BS like that), there are a number of inexpensive counseling options as well. it's worth it to get a paid professional to take care of things. you pay a plumber to fix your toilet, not your buddy with a wrench and a plunger, y'know? and your brain's way more complicated and precious than indoor plumbing. best of luck, brother.

[valetoile]

There are several places in Austin that offer low-cost therapy. Here's one that has been recommended by a friend:

http://www.samaritan-center.org/

They do secular counseling as well despite the name, and have a sliding scale.

Therapy is great and I recommend it. I'm sad that there's any stigma attached to it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to talk to an unbiased observer who has no objective other than helping you. It may take a couple of tries to find the right fit, just like with any other service professional.

I've been to therapy, and it really helped me accept who I was and led to me becoming who I am now. People here like, respect, and care about you, David.

[alexd231232]

Hey! Let's hang out and play board games at the Hideout before shows on Saturday! There's nothing I enjoy more than games and conversation.

Ruby

What Ruby said!

[Marc Majcher]

Hey! Let's hang out and play board games at the Hideout before shows on Saturday! There's nothing I enjoy more than games and conversation.

Fuck Yeah Board Games.