Austin Improv

Rodents are both dirty and rabid. And taste nice charbroiled with lemon sauce and a nice Pinot. Served with Cheetos and a dirty tampon the way Clown Phart Gases might do, is both unsanitary, unsavory and makes me vomit in my mouth a little.

Frogtime Jubilee. Heiberg's string of victories is about to snap like a knee-cap at one of his MoTown kickballs games.

Pussycake doesn't need six balls to play, that's just how they play.

Matilda Swooshpants just got some new mascara. Cop/porn star moustaches are waxed. They're back from the West ...

Torrential reign heading your way, Farttown Jubilee...

Dear Bartha Stewart -

Pull the turkey out of your ass! Why would The Warden be doin' time ? I run the prison ! I'll slap your ass in Solitary Confinement faster than you can say Apple Strudel.

Eat me

We did time before you were a warden, you simpleton. You were in for shop lifting beef jerkey ...

Pussycake has allowed my team to implant microchips into their sweet lil' noggins. Now I can control their motions, make them read highbrow literature (Updike) or philosophy (Kant) or force them to mop stages with dirty, dirty prrrson panties.

And I can track them, detonate lil sex bombs in their ...

If you feel your performance is suffering from second guessing yourself or that "you can't come up with anything" I'll beat it out of you--in a fun way.


I would surely love to get a nice beating from you--in a fun way--if I'm not too tired redecorating The Hideout's upstairs--dare I say the word ...

WRONG...I am not actually Martha Stewart...or am I???? (insert sinister laugh here)

MarS

Oh..I didn't forget about you Cunty. You got the lamp post in the background. Don't you remember? It was the only thing big enough so that wouldn't just fall out. Using the bedpost on you was like throwing sausage down a hallway.

Charlie, Stunna, FU and The Warden...

When we did time together, you guys used to be the ones who were getting anally raped. I remeber one time when I used a bedpost from an antique Caribbean Tall Post Bed in your asses. Each of you got your own post. Does this photo ring a bell for any of you ...

Any cunt ass mofo who listens to that bread and wreath makin' cracka Martha is dumber then that Sally chick down in cell 315.

You listened to me when I told you to knit me a poncho. You listened to me when I told you to use the alias "number1stunna" instead of your real name Constance Abigail ...

soft and gooey in the middle. I did some time with these girls and they are "punk ass bitches" in the parlence of our times. I tossed all of their salads with a honey lime vinegrette that I whipped up with some toilet water, Summers Eve, and a squirt of taint sweat (I never go anywhere without a ...