Best Show Lines 2013

[happywaffle]

Little-Orphan-Annie format, Oct 11 Free Fringe

Kaci: (paraphrased) "He stabbed my dad in the neck with a long serrated knife, and then my mom came out of hiding and stabbed him in the back, and then another man came out of the shadows and shot her in the back of the head, and I ran down the stairs and out the door."
Bridget: "Get to the good part! Get to the good part!"
Kaci: "Then I found a couple of nickels on the ground!"

[Ryan Austin]

Halloween Maestro 10/26/2013
Category Die, Ceej and Lacy naming colors that sound like nail polish shades.

Ceej: Checkered Past
Lacy: Your boyfriend's shoes

[kaci_beeler]

Parallelogramophonograph in OKC for the Fall Comedy Weekend
10-26-2013

This past Saturday in our OKC show, Roy played a grandfather in a family of morticians. He was trying to get a loan to save the business but was denied by the bank teller, who was the son of a former (since deceased) friend.

Kareem: I'm sorry, there's nothing more I can do for you.
Roy: Your father will be spinning in his grave...as soon as I can assemble the tools.

Another idea in the show on how to save the business was suggested by Valerie Ward's precocious 11-year-old character...

Valerie: (paraphrased) How about we make little dolls of each of our deceased clients and then sell them to their relatives? We can even cut some hair off the back of their heads for the dolls and no one will even notice!
Everyone else: ...

[happywaffle]

Merlin Works 301, 11/29. Kris Raab is a fashion maven, Stephanie Chiarello is her overworked intern.

Kris: "Come on! We're not not paying you to not work!"

[Munga]

The Better Half at the Triple Scoop Nov. 2. We took 2 suggestions: Bar Mitzvah and Funeral.

A balloon popped so we yelled at the 12 year old boy offstage to put away his starter pistol.
Jo: "He's gonna be real trouble some day"
Regina: "He's trouble now! He just shot a firearm!"

Regina's character discovers that the Torah is written in Hebrew. "These aren't words. Is this Braille?"

Regina: "Sometimes people say things but they don't mean it. They just say it because it's ceremonial".
Jo: "What, like 'thank you'?"
Regina: "Like, 'I do'".

[happywaffle]

Sheesh Regina, stop hoggin' all the funny.

[Munga]

Sheesh Regina, stop hoggin' all the funny.

Right? She kills me. I totally have an improv crush on her.

[Munga]

From Thinning the Herd, Oct. 20.

"When you masterbate you get fatter. Look at me!"
-Monica Ybarra-Torres

[Munga]

From Rubber Room, Oct. 6.

Ben: "Can I dip my bubble wand in your champagne?"
Adriane: "Is that a euphemism?" (it wasn't)

Frank: "If love is a 4-letter word, then truth is 5".

Frank: "Man, I never felt like being a jerk for being a jerk".

[Melissa]

November 24th. Merlin-works Student showcase/Know Wizards show.
After revealing Mark Roger's (Michael Joplin's) father was secretly a clown.
Shana Merlin: "You're father didn't die in a car accident, he died in a tiny car accident."

[cindy]

Thinning the Herd at the Institution Theater, December 1

[Lengthy scene in which the men on stage discuss pie-fucking while Jen demurely distracts herself upstage. Tom Booker - the instigator - is comfortably lounging in a chair in the middle of the stage.]

Lampe: Have you had sex with a pie?

Jen: Of course!

Lampe: Did you scissor it?

Jen: [Pauses. Wipes scene.]

[Monica attempts to start a new scene.]

Tom: [Still sitting on stage, looking thoughtful after everyone else has cleared.] Hold on. I need to write this down. We finally found the line.

[Munga]

Thinning the Herd at the Institution Theater, December 1

Tom Booker:

"If I could find a man who looks like me and was made of pie I would be uber-gay".

[happywaffle]

"No one's putting their penis in my son's arm!" --Jason Vines, A Bedtime Gorey, Nov 30 (the son in question was a vacuum cleaner)

"The turkey is exactly, PRECISELY in Boston." --Ceej Allen, Confidence Men 100th Show, Dec 6